It has been nearly a year since my last infusion and mastectomy. Since that time, I have been focused on recovering physically from chemotherapy and surgery. Over the past few months, though, the emotional healing has really begun ... and it has be THE most difficult part of the journey.
Although I have been given an excellent prognosis, the fear of recurrence lingers. At times, it is completely overwhelming. I have been trying to cope ... refusing therapy ... refusing medication ... with little success. So, I finally scheduled an appointment with a "shrink"...
Dr. O'Regan, my oncologist, recommended that I meet with an excellent psychiatrist at Winship. Earlier this week, I finally sat down with Dr. Wendy Baer. I was dreading it, but she was thoughtful, patient, and understanding. She validated everything I am feeling and made many recommendations ... two of which, in her opinion, are most appropriate for me ...
1. Keep writing.
2. Medicate.
For me, writing is very therapeutic. After my diagnosis and during treatment, I wrote nearly every day. Lately, I haven't been writing and my fear and anxiety have been building. So, although I originally planned to finish writing by the end of 2012, I have decided to continue. As much as I wish I could simply put this experience behind me ... it's just not that easy. Someday, I hope to find peace ... until then, I will write ...
As for medication ... I have been prescribed Effexor. This was something I was really hoping to avoid, but if there is one thing I have learned through this experience ... I am NOT Superwoman. I'm human ... and battling cancer is not easy for anyone, not physically and especially not emotionally. Hopefully, I will soon feel some relief, the anxiety will subside, and I can enjoy this beautiful life again!
Here's to writing ... and a little pink pill ...
3 comments:
We love you very much and support you in anything you choose to do...or not do. Your health and emotional well being are a priority. Do whatever you need to do.
Mom
First of all... you are Superwoman!!! But even superwoman has her Kryptonite! In the words of my mom... "Let the medicine work for you"!!! She gives great advice! :)
You know I have been a long time supporter of mental health and well being. Everyone says our health is most important, I say our mental health is most important. You can have a body that challenges you while still moving forward in your life. On the other hand, a body with no ills can be little or no use if your mental health is challenged by a "life bomb" or a physiological imbalance. I hope you will be as dilligent and determined to return to a healthy mental state as you were seeking a healthy physical state. It will take time, my dear. You are a super woman, but that is not to be confused with Superwoman! Go take care of your very core, your mind and emotions. You are still on your journey with lessons to learn. Good luck!
Love,
Kelly
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