Madison Leigh

Eight years ago today, Scott and I began the very BEST journey of our lives ... parenthood! Without a doubt, Maddie has kept us on our toes and brought us more joy than we could have ever imagined ... I thank God every day for bringing her to us!

Today was FULL of fun!  It started early with a trip to the Waffle House for breakfast. Then, just a few hours later, it was off to Hot Wheels, a local roller rink, for Maddie's birthday party ... everyone she invited was able to attend and she was THRILLED!  Finally, we headed home for a family gathering and ... at this moment ... Maddie and Annie, her "cousin" and friend, are fast asleep after a BIG day of FUN!

Of course, Maddie's birthday is another vivid reminder of why I am fighting this fight ... and, as tough as it is at times, it's days like these that make it completely worth it!

Here's to celebrating Maddie for another 50 years ... or more!

Christmas Blessing

Today is Christmas.  It is a day to share special memories with friends and family and, more importantly, to celebrate Jesus' birthday ...

This year, Christmas has even more meaning for me than in years past.  Just a few days ago, I was blessed with a Christmas gift like no other ... proof of my excellent response to treatment and just weeks away from CANCER-FREE!  Without a doubt, I have Jesus Christ to thank for this amazing miracle.  So, although many wonderful gifts were exchanged today, I am most thankful for the gift I was blessed with ...

Here's to a PERFECT Christmas ...

Happy Birthday, Jesus ...

Five Down ... Three To Go

Today, for some reason, was a VERY emotional day for me.  Typically, although the days are long, things run rather smoothly and I am able to laugh and enjoy the day ... as much as possible.  This morning was different ...

Everything started off as usual ... blood work and a routine appointment ... then off to the infusion lab for treatment.  Since I started a new drug ... the side-effects are different and I was very apprehensive about it all.  Taxol can cause an allergic reaction ... shortness of breath, hives, back pain ... and I was dreading the possibility.  As a precaution, I was given Benedryl intravenously.  About 30 seconds after it entered my vein, I felt really strange ... almost like I was having an out-of-body experience ... I didn't like it AT ALL!  And, to top it off, I was still completely stressed about the possibility of a reaction to Taxol.  So, the tears started flowing ... and I just couldn't stop.  For me ... this is not the norm ... especially during treatment.  Finally, after the infusion began and I had NO REACTION to the medication ... I felt more relaxed!

Overall, it wasn't all that bad ... MUCH shorter in terms of infusion time ... only 3 hours instead of 5 1/2 ... YEAH!  And, much less anti-nausea medication and fluid ... which makes me feel better!

ROUND 5 ... DONE ...

Tonight, I spent the evening feeling a great deal of relief ... I have only THREE MORE treatments ... everything I am doing has a PURPOSE ... and IT IS WORKING!  Thank God!

Here's the proof ...

THE PROOF ... click for a closer look!

This report was given to me this morning ... and it contains, in doctor lingo, the information from yesterday's mammogram and ultrasound.  Begin reading at "Ultrasound demonstrates ..." and keep in mind, CR stands for "complete response" meaning there is nothing visible via ultrasound ... 

I cannot express, in words, how thankful I am to be responding so well to treatment.  I will admit, chemotherapy is NOT fun ... but, as I have said before, I will do WHATEVER it takes to become a SURVIVOR ... it is absolutely worth it ...

So, raise your CORONA to having only THREE ROUNDS TO GO and, more importantly, to GREAT RESULTS ...

ONLY THREE LEFT!

Here's to answered prayers ... and a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS ...

Christmas Gift

As many of you know, Scott and I headed to Emory this morning for an appointment in the Breast Imaging Center.  At this point, I am half-way through chemotherapy and have completed the first of the study related medications, Cisplatin.  So, I am required to have a mammogram and ultrasound to measure the progress of my treatment ...

Well ... I have received the VERY BEST Christmas gift possible ... NO TUMOR CAN BE DETECTED BY ULTRASOUND!

Here's a peek into my morning ...

I arrived at my appointment ... early ... and was taken back for a mammogram, although they took only two pictures initially.  A few minutes later, I was brought back in for an additional four images.  Finally, it was time for the ultrasound.  The technician spent several minutes looking at my lymphnodes and the location of my tumor ... she could find nothing.  So, she called for Dr. D'Orsi, Professor of Radiology, to take a closer look.  He confirmed that my lymphnodes remain clear ... good news!  More importantly, he was able to locate the marker that was placed at the time of my biopsy, but was unable to locate the tumor ... even when comparing it's exact location to my previous ultrasound images.  Of course, this doesn't mean there are not still cancer cells present, but ... there is NO TUMOR DETECTED ON TODAY'S ULTRASOUND ... which indicates significant SHRINKAGE ... and proof that my treatment is working VERY well!

On the way home, Scott and I were talking about the results ... obviously VERY pleased!  We have both felt strongly, from the very beginning, that God led us to Emory ... to Dr. O'Regan ... and to this trial ... and, I am so VERY thankful!

As always, thank you all for your continued prayers and support ... there is NO DOUBT ... God is listening!

Here's to ROUND 5 tomorrow ... and kicking MORE cancer ass ...

Hustle & Bustle

This time of year is always VERY busy ... baking, shopping, wrapping ... doing it all to prepare for the Christmas season.  Over the past few weeks, I have been going through the motions ... doing everything I can to enjoy every minute of the hustle and bustle ... but, this year, it is difficult to find the excitement ... the peace I once had ...

Of course, at this time next year, I hope to be looking back and giving thanks for FINALLY being CANCER-FREE and enjoying life again ...

For now, though ... my next treatment is looming ... and, for whatever reason, I am especially worried about the side-effects.  More than anything, I want to get through these next few weeks without any long-term, lingering effects.

One thing I know for sure ... I will be losing my hair!  Luckily, it isn't permanent ... and, although it is something I am NOT looking forward to, one of my dear friends, Tim Martin, gave me a new perspective ... something I really hadn't thought about ...

Tim lives in Indianapolis.  His wife, Kathleen, and I are the greatest of friends.  Since moving home from Indiana, we have deeply missed the Martin family, but have managed to see them at least once a year over the past five years.  This week, Tim sent me a message ... hoping to make plans for a summer gathering.  Of course, for me, the summer would be perfect ... I will be finished with treatment, feeling MUCH better, and I won't be completely bald ...

This is what he wrote ... "When you look in the mirror, you may see bald.  As for me, I see strength and courage ... and a big middle finger to cancer."  Surprisingly, I have always thought of my being bald as an embarrassment ... to myself, my husband, and my children. So, these words brought tears to my eyes ... but also a smile ... maybe bald isn't so bad ...

Thank you, Tim ...

Pray

Well, it's been almost a week since I have had any desire to write.  This past week, for whatever reason, has been emotionally draining for me.  At times, I still feel like I am trying to wrap my head around it all ... and it's not easy ...

For several days, I have been looking for something to ease my mind ... and bring out the smile I know is hidden somewhere deep inside.  Today, I found it ... in a song ... by, of all people, Justin Bieber ...

Pray - Justin Bieber

Yesterday, Maddie was given the perfect gift ... Under the Mistletoe ... Justin Bieber's Christmas album.  So, this afternoon, we were headed to Mammie's house and just HAD to listen to it on the way ...

I am SO glad we did ...

The very first song to play was track 14 ... Pray.  As I sat in the driver's seat listening to the lyrics ... I actually felt a lump in my throat and tears filled my eyes ...

I know there 's sunshine behind that rain

I know there's good times behind that pain

I close my eyes and I can see a better day

I close my eyes and pray

Although I am embarrassed to admit that Justin Bieber's music moved me to tears ... I am excited to finally feel some relief.  I know, in my heart, that better days are very near ... I just have to stay positive ... knowing that, before long, I will have my life back ... and it will be bigger and better than ever!

Here's to JB ... 

Preserving Innocence

This morning, I received an email from Maddie's teacher.  She mentioned that Maddie finally opened up to her about my treatment and is concerned about the medicine I am taking and how it makes me feel.  This, for me, is heartbreaking ...

All this time, we have been working so hard to keep things as normal as possible.  But, obviously, things are different ... and Maddie recognizes the change ...

After our talk the other night ... I do feel better about her willingness to talk ... and I hope she continues to do so.  For now, though, I would love for each of you to stop and say a prayer for my children, specifically Maddie ...

I DO NOT want this experience to strip her of the happiness she deserves ... from the innocence of childhood ... I do, however, hope that my strength will serve as reminder to her that anything, however big or small, can be overcome ... with hope ... with love ... and with faith!

This, too, shall pass ...

Here's to preserving my baby's innocence ... as long as possible ...

Four Down ... Four To Go

Finally ... I am half-way to the finish line ... and it feels SOOOO good!

Yesterday was another long day, but better than the day of my last treatment.  I was able to move more quickly though the process and was home in time for dinner ... without the nausea!  Of course, I mentioned my previous experience to Dr. O'Regan and Kate and they made some changes to my anti-nausea medications ... and it did the trick!  I continue to be amazed by the effectiveness of my treatment ... in every aspect ... thank God for modern medicine!

Round 4 ... DONE ...

I wanted to blog last night, but decided instead to relax and enjoy a warm fire and my nice cold Corona! So, that is exactly what I did ...

ONLY 4 LEFT!

My next treatment is scheduled for December 22nd ... just a few days before Christmas. From what I understand, the new drug I will receive, Taxol, causes less nausea ... YEAH ... and, overall, is less difficult in terms of side effects ... I am VERY grateful for that! Hopefully, I won't be feeling too badly when Santa arrives!

Best of all, I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel ...

Thank you all for your continued support and prayers ... for the cards ... for the meals ... for every little thing that you do each day to bring a smile to my face ...

Here's to the being half-way to CANCER-FREE ...

Anticipating Bald

The past few days, even weeks, have brought much anticipation of the inevitable ... losing my hair!  Although I didn't think I would be bothered by baldness ... I am REALLY not looking forward to it ... not one bit ...

Already, my hair, all over my body, has started to thin ... and my eyelashes are slowly falling out.  There is just nothing fun about being a women and having little or no hair ...

Tonight, though, Scott and I spent some time talking with Maddie about my diagnosis. We haven't spent much time talking about it ... instead, we have put all of our efforts into keeping things as normal as possible.  But, since Maddie is dreading my baldness as much as I am, we thought it might be helpful to show her that I am not alone ... that this happens to LOTS of women ... one of which took her slick scalp all the way to the Grammy stage ...

Melissa Etheridge & Joss Stone

2005 Grammy Awards
(Melissa Etheridge @ 2 minutes, 30 seconds)

For me, and for Maddie, I think ... this video was reassuring ... even comforting.  I can only imagine the strength and courage it took for Melissa Etheridge to stand on that stage before millions of people ... possibly more bald than the day she was born ... 

Hopefully ... when that day comes for me ... I, too, will find the courage to sport my bald head ... to find pride in myself and what I am fighting for ... and to never be ashamed of who I am ... or what I look like, however difficult it may be ... 

Here's to embracing bald ... 

Traditions

This past weekend was FULL of special traditions ...

On Thursday, we celebrated Thanksgiving ... a family tradition, of course ... filling our bellies full of delicious food, enjoying perfect company, and giving thanks for the many, many blessings in our lives ...

Before the sun rose on Friday, at promptly 5:30 in the morning, I met my cousins, Jenny and Mary, for a day of shopping!  Joining in the Black Friday madness has been a tradition for us for several years ... and it is SO much FUN ...

Me, Mary, and Jenny ... ready to SHOP the day away!

Every year, we spend the day shopping and, more importantly, laughing ... and every year, we arrive home after nearly 16 hours ... GREAT times!

On Saturday, for the second year in a row, we participated in one of our many Redbud Terrace traditions ... The Couple's Olympics and Tailgate Extravaganza!   The day is filled with games, football, beer, and LOTS of fun!  This year, we ALMOST took the trophy ... second place for the second year in a row ...

We almost had it ... 

We live on such an amazing street ... with the VERY best neighbors!  Next year ... LOOK OUT ... I will be on top of my game and we WILL take 1st place ... and the trophy!

Finally, after a busy holiday weekend, we had a relaxing Sunday ... finishing it off with one last tradition ... we kicked off the Christmas season with The Polar Express and hot chocolate with the kiddos!  It was the perfect ending to a perfect weekend ...

Here's to the memories of such wonderful traditions ... and to MANY, MANY more in the years to come ...

Giving Thanks

It's Thanksgiving and today I have more to be thankful for than ever before ...

Cancer has changed my life ... in so many ways ... it has helped me recognize the many, many blessings in my life and for that, I will be forverer grateful ...

Today, as always, I am thankful for my wonderful family and friends ... but, this year, I am most thankful for my doctors and the amazing medicine that has already had such a positive effect on my tumor ... and continues to bring me closer to cancer-free ...

For me, rather than giving thanks once a year, I have found that I give thanks every day, for each day, and for the many blessings God has given me ...

Here's to giving thanks ... for everything ...

11,156

As I have said so many times before, I am truly humbled by the love and support I have been shown throughout this journey ... and, today, this number says it all ...

11,156 ...

This is the number of times my blog has been viewed, as of this moment.  It still amazes me that this very personal experience matters to so many people ... that I matter to so many people ...

So, as you can imagine ... 11,156, as insignificant as it may seem, is a HUGE motivator in my journey to SURVIVOR .... it is motivation to write, motivation to smile, motivation to push through this fight no matter how difficult it may be at times ... because my journey matters and, at this finish line, each and every one of my "followers" will have the opportunity to share in the overwhelming joy I will feel to finally be CANCER-FREE ...

It just doesn't get any better than that ...

Bitter Sweet

As this week comes to an end, I must admit ... I am more than thankful to finally be through my third round of treatment and to be feeling good for this VERY special day ...

Andrew is FIVE YEARS OLD today ... and, for me, it is bitter sweet ...

Of course, it has been so exciting to watch my little guy grow and change over the years, but I truly can't believe how quickly the time has passed.  It seems like only yesterday that I held him for the very first time ... only dreaming of the joy he would bring into my life ... and, now, it's already five years later ...

So, today ... I thank God for Andrew ... for bringing him into my life ... for the wonderful memories we've made ... and I pray for MANY more years of love and laughter with my buddy ...

Happy Birthday, Andrew ...

Sarah

Throughout this journey, I have been touched by the kindness of others ... I have had the privilege of meeting many wonderful people ... and I truly believe that God has placed some very special "angels" in my path ...

Most recently, I met Sarah ...

Sarah and I met for the first time during my second infusion ... she came into the lab and was seated next to me.  It was her first treatment ...

Immediately, I noticed how young she was ... of course, when you are diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, you feel like you are the ONLY one ... and, for me, when I meet someone around my age, I feel an instant connection ...

So, during that meeting, we talked ... Sarah is 39 years old and fighting triple-negative breast cancer ...

We shared a little about ourselves and our families, but didn't have the opportunity to talk much more, until yesterday ...

On the day of treatment, I always stop at the lab for my blood draw first ... and, much to my surprise, Scott and I ran into Sarah and her husband.  We started talking when Scott made a connection. While finishing some computer work at the Starbucks near our house, he saw Sarah ... just the day before ...

Of course, this sparked more conversation ... and, much to our surprise, we learned that they live in our neighborhood ... just another typical couple, raising young children, fighting cancer ...

If you have been reading my blog or have researched triple-negative breast cancer, you know that it is a much less common cancer ... and through this journey, I have been blessed to know a few women who are survivors ... and now, I have Sarah ...

I cannot thank God enough for bringing these "angels" into my life ... for helping me realize that I can FIGHT and WIN ... and that I am NOT alone ...

Here's to my neighbor ... and my newest friend ...

Three Down ... Five To Go

Yesterday was a VERY long day ...

We headed to Emory early, as always, and I was able to have my blood drawn and see Dr. O'Regan in a timely manner.  Once we got to the infusion lab, however, things came to a screeching halt ... it took well over an hour before I was called and then nearly another hour before my treatment actually began.  So, after a 5 1/2 hour infusion ... we left just in time for rush hour traffic ... YIPEE ... it made for an almost 12 hour day ...

Usually, I feel quite good after treatment ... and usually continue feeling pretty normal for a day or two after ... NOT this time.  On the way home, while hugging the bumper of the car in front of us, I felt extremely nauseous ... I really wasn't sure I was going to make it home ...

Luckily, we did ... and once I took my medication and a nice, hot shower ... I felt well enough to eat a little and enjoy my Corona ... now, there are ONLY 5 MORE LEFT ...

So, overall, the day was quite successful!  As always, I had several great visitors and once things got started, it went by rather quickly ...

One MORE step closer to CANCER-FREE ...

Round 3 ... DONE ...

Thank you all so very much for your kindness ... and, more importantly, your continued prayers ... I will never be able to thank you enough ...

Little Things

This past weekend, as I witnessed the exchange of beautiful wedding vows and enjoyed the celebration of two lives joined together in love ... I couldn't help but wonder if I will be there for my children ... to share the joyous moments in their lives ...

Will I be there for prom?  Graduation?  Will I stand with pride as Scott gives Maddie away?  Will I dance with my son on his wedding day?  Will I have the opportunity to meet my grandchildren?

It is difficult to think about the future ... and as I continue on this journey, I am constantly reminded that this is really happening ... cancer is now and always will be a part of my life ... of who I am ... and, it could take all of these precious moments from me ...

Of course, as real as it is for someone with cancer ... I realize that life is fragile for everyone.  There are absolutely no guarantees ... no matter what ...

So, as difficult as it is at times, I make every effort ... every day ... to cherish the little things ... and I hope and pray that you do, too ...

Here's to the little things ...

Kid-Free

Tonight, as I pack for a weekend away, I have decided to put my cancer aside ... relax ... and really enjoy some kid-free time with my wonderful husband ...

We are headed to St. Simons Island for my cousin's wedding ... and I am looking very forward to the happy occasion! For me, especially at this point in my life, I prefer to surround myself with things that bring me JOY ... and there is nothing like friends, family, and fun to bring a much needed smile to my face!

So ... BIG congrats to my cousin, Rachael, and her soon-to-be husband, Jay ... bring on the good times!

Here's to a wonderful weekend ... screw the cancer ...

Costumes

It's Halloween ...

As a child, this was always one of my favorite holidays ... the opportunity to become someone or something else was always very exciting ... and now, as a mother, I truly enjoy watching my kids as they dress in their costumes and hit the streets ...

This year, though, I wish I could be someone else, too ... just for one night ... no cancer, just the freedom of a care-free, disease-free life ...

Of course, it's not that simple ... for me, getting to that point again is a journey ... and a very difficult one ... but, I must remind myself that I am stronger than my disease and that, in time, I will find happiness ... peace ... and true JOY in being ME and living a very blessed life ...

Kiddos

For the first time since my diagnosis, I am on my own ... Scott is away for a few days on business ...

Although he probably wasn't looking very forward to it ... I am so happy that he has the opportunity to take some time for himself, even if it is work related.  He has been working overtime around here for weeks ... in addition to his "bill paying" job ...

For me, though, it's a little lonely without him ... so, today, I filled my time with my precious kiddos ...

This morning, after a full-night's sleep in "Mommy's bed" ... Maddie headed off to school, as usual.  Before preschool, Andrew and I stopped at Chick-fil-a for a special breakfast!  He was ALL smiles ... and he actually ate EVERY bite ...

While the kids were away, I was able to mark some things off of my list ... thank goodness!

After school, Andrew and I picked Maddie up from the bus stop and made a beeline for Target ... a little retail therapy ALWAYS brings a smile to my face ... and the kids, too, of course!  Then, a few "necessary" errands, dinner and dessert at Frosty Frog ... and, finally, a viewing of Ghostbusters!  Honestly, I can't think of a more perfect day ...

Most importantly, I enjoyed every minute ... this time with my kiddos can never be replaced and I am so thankful to have found such joy in it ...

Here's to a GREAT weekend ...

Princess Warrior

Although I have never considered myself a princess ... and I have never really had the need to be a warrior ... I now find this name to be so VERY fitting as I continue my FIGHT against breast cancer ...

As I have said before, though, this is not just MY journey ... it is not just MY fight ... and without the love, support, and prayers from my family and friends ... I would be absolutely LOST!  Along the way, I have had so many people ask, "How can I help?" ... "What can I do?" ... and, although I haven't really known exactly how to answer, so many of you have found the most thoughtful ways to bring a smile to my face and to make each day a little brighter ... and, for that, I will be forever grateful!

Now, though ... I do NEED your help ... and I know exactly how ...

In October of 2012, I will be walking ... as a SURVIVOR ... in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure, along with my team.  Each member of my team is responsible for raising $2,300 ... in addition to completing a 3-day, 60-mile walk ... ALL for the CURE ...

So, if you would like to make a donation to Team Princess Warrior, please click on the "Donate" link in the upper right-hand corner of the blog screen.  Or, if you would prefer, you can simply mail the donation to our home address.  In return, you will receive a window decal to show your PRINCESS WARRIOR support ...

Don't forget ... we need to know who you are ... so, once you have made your donation, please email your name and address to sjmcneal@mac.com ...

Remember ... every little bit helps ...

As always ... THANK YOU ... from the bottom of my heart ... for EVERYTHING ...

The Power of Pink

Although just a week or so ago, I was completely OVER the pink ... I had the wonderful opportunity to witness the finish of the Susan G. Komen 3-Day For the Cure in Atlanta ... and my LOVE for PINK has returned ...

As I stood watching thousands of men and women complete the 3-day, 60-mile walk ... I realized what an amazing impact PINK has on finding a CURE for breast cancer!  With around 2,300 walkers ... an astonishing 6.5 MILLION DOLLARS was raised ... for research, for programs ... for HOPE that one day breast cancer will be a thing of the past!

These women walked ... and are survivors themselves ...

Next year, at this time, I will walk ... I will stand on that podium ... and I will begin my life as a SURVIVOR!

Here's to PINK ... and LOTS of it ...

Physical Exam

As I was reading through my blog from yesterday, I realized that I left out the very BEST news ...

Before each of my infusions, I see Dr. O'Regan for a physical exam ... AND ... she felt almost nothing!  She smiled and said, "Although these are just my hands, it certainly appears that you are responding extremely well to treatment."  What GREAT news!  Of course, I can still locate the tumor myself, but it is significantly smaller than before ...

And, if after only ONE treatment, we are seeing such great results ... I can rest a little easier knowing that CANCER-FREE IS just around the corner ...

PLEASE keep the prayers coming ... God is doing His amazing work ... and I am so VERY grateful for it ...

Here's to MORE results from ROUND 2 ...

My Everything

Eleven years ago today, Scott and I were married at The Episcopal Church of St. Peter & St. Paul in Marietta.  It was one of the very BEST days of my life ...

Since then, we have shared an amazing journey together ... living away from home in both Florida and Indiana, raising two amazing children, and creating wonderful memories along the way! Of course, these past couple of months have been some of the best yet ... as strange as it sounds ... the relationship that Scott and I have shared since my diagnosis has been INDESCRIBABLE ... without him, I honestly don't know where I would be ...

Thank you, to my truly AMAZING husband ... you are my EVERYTHING ...

Happy 11th Anniversary ...

Here's to MANY, MANY more ...

Two Down ... Six To Go

As I sit here, I am enjoying my "after chemo" Corona ... and feeling quite good ...

Today went VERY smoothly and, for me, it was much less emotional than the first time around.  We did, however, get started much earlier ... which I prefer ... although I am still NOT a morning person ...

I arrived at Emory, with my mom and my aunt, at promptly 7:30 this morning ... had my blood drawn ... saw Dr. O'Regan ... and headed to the lab for my infusion.  For some reason, those nearly six hours in the chair went by very quickly ... perhaps it was all of the GREAT company ... my husband, my mom and dad, my Aunt Tiss, and my dearest friend Alisha and her mom, Pam.  So, needless to say ... it was a VERY easy and enjoyable day ...

Most importantly ... I am one step closer to CANCER-FREE ...

Round 2 ... DONE ...

Thank you all, again, for continuing to lift me and my family up in prayer ... I know with everything that I am ... God is listening ... 

Today was another precious GIFT from GOD ... and I am so thankful for it ...

Cheers ...

Relaxed

Tonight, I am feeling more relaxed than I expected! Early tomorrow morning, I will be heading to Emory for my second infusion ...

Although I never thought I would look forward to anything but the end of this nightmare ... I realize that each part of this journey is necessary ... and important ... and tomorrow brings me one step closer to the finish line ...

Please pray that this treatment goes as smoothly as the first ...

Here's to tomorrow ...

Common Sense

On the Today Show this morning, they aired a segment on breasts with Dr. Peterson, an internist and medical contributor for Women's Health Magazine ...

First, she discussed breast cancer risk factors ...

1.  Age - One in eight women under the age of 40 and two in three women over the age of 55 will be diagnosed with breast cancer.

2.  Family History - Obviously, if you have a family history of breast cancer, you are at a greater risk of being diagnosed in your lifetime.

3.  Menstrual Cycle - Women who had their first menstrual cycle before the age of 12 are at a greater risk of being diagnosed with breast cancer.

4.  Alcohol Use - The more a woman drinks, no matter what type of alcohol, the greater her risk of a breast cancer diagnosis.

5.  Childbirth - Women who give birth later in life, after 30 specifically, are at a greater risk of being diagnosed with breast cancer.

Before I continue with the report, I would like to mention that I fit NOT ONE of these risk factors ... I am under the age of 40 with NO family history ... I started my period after the age of 12 ... I am NOT a heavy drinker, not even a moderate one ... and I gave birth to both of my children before the age of 30 ...

So, based on the risk factors above, if I were to have listened to the following recommendations ... well, you know what the outcome could have been ...

Currently, it is recommended that women have their first mammogram at the age of 40 ... REALLY?

And, as far as breast self-exams are concerned ... from the mouth of Dr. Peterson herself ...

"Breast self-exams are considered optional now because they're not completely proven to be a benefit as a screening tool."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Please, please DO NOT listen to this advice ...

For those that do not know, I saw my gynecologist in April ... was given a breast exam ... and nothing.  Just three months later, while conducting my own exam, I found a lump ... what if I had waited until NEXT April?

As I have said before ... PLEASE FEEL YOUR BOOBIES ... it could save your life ...

Here's to common sense ...

Fender Bender

Today was an interesting day ...

Once the kids were off to school, MY day began with a much needed pedicure!  Then, a visit to Ember ... a local yoga studio ... LOVED it and am looking forward to trying a class or two ...

Finally, I headed to Roswell to pick up my second wig from Tommie at Unique Wigs. Honestly, the picture says it all ...

I really can't believe how much this looks like MY hair ... and how thankful I am to have found this little shop ... and Tommie ...

The most interesting part of my day, though, began when I left ...

As I backed out of my parking space ... as I always do ... I checked things out in my backup camera ... which is THE best thing EVER ... and saw nothing.  I continued in reverse, came to a stop, put the car in drive ... and BOOM!  Of course, I had NO idea what had hit me, but it shook my car enough to know that whatever it was had done some damage ...

Most importantly, no one was hurt ... I was just hit by a woman paying absolutely no attention as she backed her beautiful BMW out of the parking space just as quickly as she could ... probably on the phone, although I don't know that for sure ...

The woman ... her name is Gigi ... instantly apologized and took full responsibility.  I really wasn't phased by it all that much ... these past few months have significantly changed my perspective on what's REALLY important, as you can imagine.  I told her ... accidents happen ... it's just a bumper and it can be replaced.  So, we exchanged insurance information, called for a police report, and then waited ... 

Once the officer arrived, we stood there together for quite some time as he completed the necessary paperwork.  Of course, having just left the wig shop, I was wearing my amazing new wig!  Well, Gigi noticed my cute hairdo and asked if I had been at the salon prior to our fender bender ... I smiled and said, "Nope, it's a wig!"  The look on her face told me that I needed to explain ... so I shared a little of my story with her ...

Little did we know, Officer Reeves overheard our conversation ... he is a cancer survivor ... and shared these words with me ...

"The journey is not fun ... it's very difficult at times ... but you will get through it and will live a more full and meaningful life than you ever thought possible.  My faith got me through it and I will be praying for you."

We continued talking a little and sharing our stories ... as I stood there with him, I couldn't help but feel like he was intentionally placed there for me ... a survivor ... showing me hope and possibility ...

Thank you, Gigi, for hitting my car ... and Officer Reeves for bringing a smile to my face ...

Dammit Doll

This weekend was packed with FUN ... and I enjoyed every minute!  It all began on Saturday morning with cheerleading ... Maddie absolutely LOVES it ... even though the football team has scored only one touchdown ALL season!  After the game, we headed to the lake for a BEAUTIFUL day on the water.  Obviously, the weather was too cold for swimming, but it was perfect for a long cruise ... it was such a relaxing, peaceful day!

Today, we took our annual trip to Berry Patch Farms as a family.  As usual, we met Matt, Tiffanie, and Taylor for a morning of FUN!  Afterward, we drove to the North Georgia mountains for a hike up Amicalola Falls with my Girl Scout troop.  It was a family affair and everyone had a GREAT time!

The only thing that could have made this weekend any better would be CANCER-FREE status!  I know that time is coming, but until then, I fully intend to use my Dammit Doll for days that aren't as wonderful as the past few have been ...

This doll was given to me on Friday by an amazingly kind woman.  We met, of all places, at the car wash.  After all of the rain, my car was in desperate need of some TLC ... and, to my surprise, Towne Lake Carwash was sponsoring a fundraiser for breast cancer research.  So, while we waited, Andrew and I had the opportunity to see GIGI, the big PINK fire truck, and to meet the owner of The Pink Ribbon Link.  She introduced me to the Dammit Doll and, after I shared the news of my diagnosis, she gave me my very own doll to help see me through these many months of treatment ...

CLICK TO READ

Even though it has been more than two months since the beginning of this journey, I still cannot believe the kindness I am continually shown ... in so many ways ... by so many people ...

Here's to a wonderful weekend ... and no need for my adorable Dammit Doll ...

Buddy

Today, I had the opportunity to spend most of the day with my buddy, Andrew ...

This morning, the weather was beautiful ... Andrew and I headed to Berry Patch Farms for his preschool field trip.  We took a hayride, wandered through the pumpkin patch, and had a nice picnic lunch.  And, of course, Andrew spent some much needed time on the playground ...

My Buddy

My Buddy & Me

As we searched the pumpkin patch for the perfect pumpkin ... Andrew just could NOT find what he was looking for ... until ... 

Andrew's Gourd

Andrew has an unusual personality ... he truly makes me smile ... and the gourd he chose is a symbol of his uniqueness ... LOVE him!  

We had a GREAT time at the pumpkin patch, but Andrew just wasn't ready for our time together to end.  So, he insisted that we take a "stroller ride" before Maddie got home from school ... and we did just that ... 

Please remember, Andrew is almost five years old and really has no business in a stroller! But, he absolutely loves to ride through the neighborhood ... for me, it's a GREAT workout and, more importantly, some special time with my buddy ... 

Here's to a wonderful day ... and a very blessed one, too ... 

Restless

Until next Thursday, life will continue as usual ... just waiting until I can tackle my second round of treatment ...

Luckily, I feel GREAT physically ... no complaints ... emotionally, though, I am getting a little restless ... I am not very good at the waiting game ...

I'm ready ... ready for my next infusion and more than ready to be one step closer to the finish line.  While I do feel "safe" at this stage in the game, I also feel an overwhelming amount of anxiety about the future.  I am eager to know the outcome of chemotherapy ... and surgery ... I just want to hear the words "cancer-free" from my oncologist and my surgeon.  At that point, I pray that I can begin to really live again ...

For now, I am trying to cherish every moment with my family and friends ... and enjoy the little things ... it really is amazing how much more they mean to me now ...

Here's to life ... and it's wonderful blessings ...

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."
-Robert Brault

Pink

Today, I am OVER the PINK ...

As you all know, October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month ... and EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE is PINK ...

Don't get me wrong, I am so very thankful for all of the "awareness" ... it is just a constant reminder that I have cancer ... and it sucks!  Everywhere I go, everything I see has a BIG PINK RIBBON!  Now, that pink ribbon represents MY fight ... and I can't help but wonder if my life will ever be the same ...

Hopefully, as time goes by, it will become a symbol of strength and accomplishment ... rather than a source of sadness and fear ...

Here's to November ... one month closer to CANCER-FREE ... and maybe just a little less PINK ...

"FORE" Jill

This weekend, while I was relaxing and spending time with my family, Laura ... Randy's sister ... was playing golf in my honor at the "Tutus for the Tatas" Golf Tournament in Brazoria, Texas ...

Laura & Sylvia

"FORE" Jill

Thank you, Laura, for the love and support ... even over the many miles ... 

Fortunate

It's funny ... as we approach the two-month mark, I actually feel more fortunate than I ever have ...

At first, it was very difficult to be around people ... even my own precious children.  As I walked around "with cancer" ... everyone else went on with their normal days ... doing normal things ... finding happiness in everyday life.  I didn't ...

Now, though, I do ... and my perspective on life is much more grand than I ever expected! Truthfully, by this point, I thought I would want nothing more than to trade places with someone else ... for cancer to be somebody else's life story ...

Instead, I am choosing to embrace it ... to take this challenge that God has given me and make the most of it!  In life, so many times, people are never given a second chance ... I have been ... and I know that, once I get through this, I will be stronger ... better ... and so ready to live the life God has given me ... to the fullest!

Here's to a beautiful life ... even with cancer ...

Security

Although I am still experiencing some lingering side effects from the chemotherapy ... I feel blessed to have passed the "worst" of it ...

At this point, I feel strangely safe ... I am doing everything I can do ... following doctor's orders, firmly believing in the medicine, and resting securely in my faith that I will SURVIVE ...

So, for now, I would like to thank Dr. O'Regan and Kate for EVERYTHING ... most of all, though, for the HOPE I have in my heart ...

Dr. O'Regan & Me

Kate & Me

"Ain't it kinda funny, at the dark end of the road, that someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope."
-Alabama, "Angels Among Us"

Fog

Today ... I feel like I am in a fog ... not feeling badly, just not myself! Truthfully, I can't complain ... the anti-nausea medication worked and, overall, I feel pretty darn good! Obviously, I was expecting much, much worse ...

So, thank you prayer warriors ... AGAIN ... I feel so blessed to have successfully conquered ROUND 1 ...

Taylor Swift

This past weekend, I was THRILLED to be able to see Taylor Swift in concert with my husband and our precious little girl ... it was Maddie's very FIRST concert!  Of course, considering the fact that I had my first infusion on Thursday, I wasn't sure if I would be up for it ... but, I was ... and am so very thankful!

We started the evening with a quick bite to eat at Chick-fil-a at the CNN Center and then off to the concert.  Without a doubt, Maddie had to have a t-shirt and a glow stick ... and, ice cream, of course!  Then, Taylor finally took center stage ... and what FUN it was ...

 

This was just one of those moments I absolutely did not want to miss ... I just hope it was as special for Maddie as it was for her dad and me ...

Here's to a wonderful evening ... and to MANY, MANY more with our little girl ...

Facebook

Several years ago, I joined Facebook ... as most people did! For me, it was a place I could connect with old friends and have a little fun, too! Until now ...

As we all know, many of our "Facebook friends" are not people that we talk to every day. In fact, in most cases, they are people we haven't spoken to in years. For me, though, my "Facebook friends" are people that have touched my life in some special way and people I have chosen to continue to share my life with ... at this point, I am more grateful for these connections than I ever have been!

The decision to share this news on Facebook was a very difficult one. Now that I have, though, I feel so amazingly blessed by the outpouring of prayers and support! So, for me, Facebook is no longer just a place to play ... it is a source of strength ... a place where I can be reminded of the amazing friends I have in my life and how very, very blessed I truly am!

So, to all of my "Facebook friends" ... thank you, from the bottom of my heart!

Cheers!

First things first ... I am NOT puking ... I actually feel pretty darn good!  Aside from getting very little sleep last night ... I have not one complaint!  The big question is WHY?  Of course, I am on some SERIOUS anti-nausea medication ... so that could be the main factor ... OR ... I could give the credit to the Corona I drank last night ...

I choose the beer ... and here's the story ...

Yesterday, before I left, my wonderful neighbors gave me a bag FULL of goodies.  As I was digging through it, I noticed a Corona in the pocket ... and, of course, I was intrigued ... I mean we do have LOTS of fun on Redbud Terrace, but BEER after CHEMO ... I just didn't get it! 

Well, one of my neighbor's mom's friends, Raye, was diagnosed with breast cancer several years ago.  She was told to drink a Corona after her first treatment of chemotherapy ... it apparently curbs the side effects ... so she did, and it worked!  Raye shared her experience with her doctor and, a few years later, she, too, was diagnosed.  After her doctor's first treatment ... she also drank a Corona ... and it WORKED!  She made a point to call Raye and share her excitement!

So, last night ... I raised my glass, in honor of taking this first BIG step to becoming CANCER-FREE ... and, of course, in hopes of having a few less side effects ...

Cheers ...

One Down ... Seven To Go

First, I will start by saying ... I feel so, so relieved!  This day is finally behind me and it feels AMAZING!

My day began just like any other ... getting the kids up, ready, and off to school.  Then, Scott and I headed to Emory for my first infusion.  Honestly, every fiber in my body was absolutely dreading it ... and it made for a tearful trip to the hospital.  But, as I have said before, every time I step through those doors ... I feel at peace ... I feel like I fit in ... and, most importantly, as I pass the hundreds of men and women in that building ... fighting cancer ... I know, with everything that I am, that I can fight, too ... and WIN!  Today wasn't any different!

We arrived at 10:00 sharp ... first, I had to have my blood drawn to ensure that my body was fit for treatment.  Next, a visit with my doctor and, finally, off to the infusion center for chemotherapy.  Although the day was very long, I had my amazing husband by my side from start to finish as well as a couple of very special visitors throughout the day ... and, really ... it wasn't that bad ...

The infusion began at about 2:00, with anti-nausea medication for 20 minutes.  Then, fluids to flush my kidneys for an hour ... Cisplatin, the chemotherapy medication, for two hours ... and, finally, more fluids for almost two hours ... for a GRAND TOTAL of around 5 1/2 hours!  Round 1 ... DONE ...

Me & My Chair

The GOOD Stuff

Thank you all, so very much, for the many sweet gifts I have been given over the past couple of days ... for the incredibly thoughtful texts, emails, and cards.  And, more than anything, for your prayers ... they are absolutely working ... I am on my way to CANCER-FREE and was able to find peace in taking that first BIG step today.  Thank you!

I will leave you each with a quote I read this morning, just before my infusion ...

"Cancer may rob you of that blissful ignorance that once lead you to believe that tomorrow stretched forever.  In exchange, you are granted the vision to see each day as precious, a gift to be used wisely and richly.  No one can take that away."

-Anonymous

Today was a gift ... from God ... and I am so grateful for it ...

Here's to many, many, many more ...

Big Girl Panties

This afternoon, Scott practically forced me out of my pity party and onto the pavement for a breath of fresh air and some exercise ... it did me very well!  Although I am still quite anxious about tomorrow and the days that follow, I am ready to put on my BIG GIRL PANTIES and FIGHT LIKE A GIRL!

As always, thank you all for your love and support ... without you, I would be lost ...

Now, let's KICK SOME CANCER ASS ...

Bring on tomorrow ...

Punishment

The anticipation of tomorrow is killing me ... I absolutely DO NOT want to go!  I feel like I am being punished ... and I have no idea what I have done wrong ... I just don't deserve this!  It really pisses me off!

Somehow, though, I MUST find the strength to fight ... to believe in my doctors ... to trust in the medicine ... to have the faith to overcome my many fears!  Now, more than ever, I need your prayers ...

Lately, this quote has been lingering in my mind ... just as it did a little over a month ago when I was feeling completely overwhelmed ...

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you're right."
-Henry Ford

I CAN and I WILL ... it all starts tomorrow ...

Stable

Yesterday's PET scan results are in ... GOOD NEWS ... everything is stable!

From what I understand, these results were compared to those from my previous scan four weeks ago.  Although measurements of the actual tumor were not reported, there is no indication of the spread of cancer ... nothing in the lymph nodes or elsewhere in my body.

Hopefully, when we see Dr. O'Regan and Kate on Thursday, they can further explain the results and what they mean in terms of the overall outcome, if anything.

Here's to Thursday ...

Unique Wigs

With my first treatment just around the corner, I had to find something to lift my spirits ... at least a little!  So, this morning, my mom and I headed to Unique Wigs in Roswell to do some shopping.  We had a great time ...

As we entered the store, we were greeted by LOTS of strange looking heads full of hair ... and then Tommie, the store owner.  She was very friendly and extremely helpful!  Of course, we both tried on few wigs ... and, honestly, I was amazed at the look and feel of them ... so real!

Initially, I was thinking I would purchase something that looked very much like my current cut, color, and style ... NOT SO!  I didn't go crazy, but I did choose something a little different ... and I LOVE IT ...

Although I am not looking forward to losing my hair, this makes it a little less difficult ... especially when I can replace it with long, thick, beautiful hair!  And, Maddie approves ... which is a HUGE relief ... I think she actually likes it!  

Thank you to my wonderful mom for sharing this day with me ... and to Tommie for all of the help and encouragement ...

Me & Tommie

Here's to embracing bald ... and making the most of this time of my life ...

Scott

As you all probably already know, this journey has brought more sadness into my life than I thought I would ever experience.  In my darkest of moments, one person has been there to lift me up ... and I cannot express, in words, how amazingly thankful I am to have him in my life ...

For those of you that don't know our story, Scott and I met over 20 years ago ... in the 8th grade.  We were introduced by a mutual friend, went to the movies a time or two, and then went our separate ways during our high school years.  Just after our freshman year of college, in August of 1996, we crossed paths again ... and have been together ever since.  Now, a little over 15 years later, we have created a beautiful life together ... and I cannot thank God enough for bringing Scott to me ...

So, this song is a dedication to my husband ... without whom I could never find the strength to fight this fight ...

Josh Groban - You Raise Me Up

Progress

After a week away, a few things have changed regarding the progress of my treatment ...

While we were on vacation, I finished taking the steroids ... which eliminated the rash completely, thank goodness!  On Wednesday evening, I restarted Sorafenib.  At first, I was ordered to take only half of the original dose, but have since been asked to increase to 400 mg PO BID ... orally, twice daily ... which is full dose.  According to Dr. O'Regan, there have been patients in the past that have had a significant rash, have temporarily stopped treatment, and once they restart ... they don't have the same side effect response.  At this point, almost 4 days later, I have absolutely no itching, no rash, no tender scalp, no numb tongue, no sore feet ... KNOCK ON WOOD! 

Tomorrow, I will have my second PET scan.  This will determine the effectiveness of the oral medication before the start of chemotherapy.  Of course, I will continue taking Sorafenib for the duration of my treatment ... and, from what I understand, it is not uncommon to see very little, if any, change in tumor size within the first month.  I have to admit, though, I would be THRILLED if we actually see SHRINKAGE!

On Thursday, I will be chair bound for seven long hours while I receive my first infusion.  Obviously, I am NOT looking forward to it ... or how I will likely feel afterward.  However, I am looking to the future and hoping that this medication will lead me to a life without cancer ... and to many, many, many years of happiness ...

Here's to a GOOD chance of beating this ... and to finding the strength to make it happen ...

Back to Reality

As I reflect on this past week ... I think of the many thoughts that crossed my mind, over and over again ... the fears that I couldn't escape, even sitting with my feet in the sand and the waves crashing in front of me ...

Here they are, in no particular order ...

1.  Treatment and side effects ... feeling sick and being bald, among others ...
2.  Embarrassing Maddie ... and Andrew ...
3.  Dying ...
4.  Dying and Scott loving someone else ...
5.  My children being raised by another woman ...
6.  Missing the opportunity to raise my children and watch them grow ... sports, proms, weddings, grandchildren ... all the things I have wanted to be a part of more than anything in life ...
7.  My children growing up without a mom and my husband without a wife ... and the memory of me fading over time ...
8.  Never growing old with Scott, on the lake ...
9.  My parents being childless ...
10.  Living in fear ...
11.  Never finding true happiness again ...
12.  Being forgotten ...

This list could go on forever ...

I do realize that my chances of beating this are good, but it simply isn't enough to suppress my fears.  I wish it were ... more than anything ... I wish I knew how to focus on the positive, every day!  I am trying ... with everything that I am ...

What I do know, in my heart, is that fear and faith cannot coexist ... I remind myself each and every day.  I am putting my faith in God and praying that He can bring me the strength I need to lock these terrible thoughts away ... forever!

This past week was much needed ... it was a nice escape from the reality of life with cancer, as difficult as it was to try to forget.  Now, though, it's over ... and it's time to really dig in and fight back!  In just a few days, I will be heading to Emory for my first infusion ... and I'm scared, but looking forward to taking that first BIG step toward the end of this nightmare!

I'm praying for peace, for healing, and for happiness ... please, please pray with me!

Rainbows

This quote came in a beautiful card that I received today ...

In a perfect world, 

everything would always go right.

There would be no disappointments or trials,

and life would be filled with only 

sweet, warm, and fuzzy feelings.

But how would we know

if things were good if we had no comparison?

Would we recognize the blessings in our lives 

without having their opposites to compare them to?

Without the darkness,

would we appreciate light?

Seems to me if we want rainbows,

we gotta have rain.

The trick is to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps

and go out and look for puddles to play in;

recognize the tempest for what it is

and train ourselves to look for the good

in every situation.

By overcoming adversity,

we find joy in everything.

So go on, go play in the rain!
-Suzy Toronto

Through this journey, I pray that I can find the strength to play in rain ... and, when I look back years from now, I can proudly say ... I SURVIVED ... and my life is richer because of it!

Thank you Terry, Mel, and Tim for the beautiful card and the box full of PINK goodies!  I am truly blessed! 

Feeling Excitement

Tomorrow, we are headed for Destin, Florida ... a week at the beach is MUCH needed for me and my family!  And, I am actually excited ... what a great feeling!  Now that the rash has subsided quite a bit and I am feeling good about my treatment, I am more relaxed than I have been in a very long time!

It's amazing what a difference a day makes ...

Here's to a wonderful vacation, making memories, and a break from it all ...

Shrinkage

This morning, we saw Dr. O'Regan and Kate for my regularly scheduled appointment.  It was short and sweet ...

Dr. O'Regan took a glance at my wonderful rash and confirmed that a break from treatment is certainly the best decision.  Since we will be on vacation next week, she recommended that I call on Tuesday to report the status of my rash ... and send a photo for their study records.  Assuming it is under control, I will restart Sorafenib at half the dosage ... just one in the morning and one at night.  This, we have been assured, will not affect the outcome of treatment.

Obviously, this rash has been just CRAZY ... but, I think the medication is working.  Although there is no radiological confirmation, it feels smaller now than it did just two weeks ago ... yes, you heard correctly ... I feel SHRINKAGE!  And, I am not alone ... Dr. O'Regan, Kate, and Scott all agree ... it appears to be responding to the treatment!

In a little less than two weeks, I will have a second PET scan to evaluate the tumor and the effectiveness of Sorafenib thus far.  Until then, I will continue to pray for SHRINKAGE ... and the strength and courage to endure these next few months ... please pray with me!

Confession

The moment I have been dreading for many, many weeks is finally behind me ... I have officially confessed to the kids and they now know about my diagnosis.  To be honest, I feel so much better knowing that there are no more secrets in our house ... and we are ready to fight this as a team!

The conversation was interesting and here is how the story goes ...

Scott and I arrived home from my appointment and, of course, Maddie was especially curious about where we had been.  I took the opportunity to tell her ... and Andrew.  The four of us sat down together and I explained it, in these words ....

"As you know, I had an appointment with the doctor today.  They have found a small lump inside my body that shouldn't be there ... it's called breast cancer.  In order to get it out, I will have to take some medicine that might make me feel badly or make me tired.  There might be times when I won't be able to help with your homework or cook dinner.  And, at some point, my hair will probably fall out."

At this point, Andrew had already lost interest and was driving his firetruck around while it made loud siren-like noises.  Maddie, on the other hand, broke into tears and said ... "That's going to be so embarrassing!"  My thoughts ... ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!  But the tears continued and I realized it was a genuine concern ... she is only seven years old and is fearful of what her friends will think of her if I'm bald.  In her words ... "Only boys can be bald!"

So, while I was thrilled that she wasn't completely freaked out about the actual diagnosis, I was really caught off-guard.  As she continued to cry, I picked her up and tried to help her understand that it is only for a little while ... then my hair will grow back, I will feel better, and the lump will be all gone!  For the moment, my words were not of much help.  We finally sent her up to take a shower and calm herself down... and she did just that!

Afterwards, Scott spent some time talking with her.  He explained that this is not something Mommy is choosing to do ... and, of course, I would never want to embarrass her.  At that point, Maddie asked a great question ... what will happen if Mommy doesn't take the medicine?  Scott explained that I will get very sick ... and that is why it is so important to follow the doctor's orders.  She agreed ... with a smile. 

A few minutes later, while Maddie was brushing her teeth, I shared a story about another "mommy" that was bald and how she had her son write the grocery list on her hairless head ... and read it at the store!  She laughed .... and then she dropped a BOMB ... "Mommy, you have to write I 'heart' JB (I love Justin Bieber) on your head and walk around with it" ... and she laughed loudly!  I agreed ... and so we have a deal! 

Overall, I think it went quite well.  I can imagine that this kind of information is difficult for a seven-year-old to understand and I am proud of her for doing the best she could with it ...

Many years from now, I hope that my children will understand that they are THE reason I am fighting this fight ... they mean more to me than anything in the world and I want them to be proud of the way I handle this amazingly difficult time in my life.  Maybe, my strength will serve as an example ... that alone would make it all worth it in the end!

Steroids

Well, this morning the rash was worse ... quite a bit worse ... so bad, in fact, that the deep red color within the red patches was turning purple ... and painful.  So, I was ordered to head to Emory for an appointment with Kate, my oncology nurse.

It only took Kate a moment to recognize the severity of it.  Since my doctor is not in the office on Wednesdays, she asked the head of oncology to come in for a peek.  And, the recommendation ... stop Sorafenib, take oral steroids, and give the rash time to heal.

Once the rash subsides, I will continue taking Sorafenib ... just a lower dose.  Apparently, these side effects are very common and adjustments to the dosage are necessary in most cases.  They are confident that I will be able to tolerate a lower dose ... and, more importantly, I have been assured that this break will not affect the outcome of treatment. 

Tomorrow, we are headed back to the hospital to see Dr. O'Regan.  Hopefully, we will have our questions answered and will be back on the path to CANCER-FREE before we know it!

Thank you all for your prayers ... they are working ... relief is coming soon!

Patches Not Spots

There are just no words ... and this isn't the worst of it ...

This is ALL OVER MY BODY and itching like crazy!  If this is any indication of my tolerance for side effects ... it is not only going to be a long road, but an amazingly difficult one, too!

For whatever reason, this day has been the most difficult one since the start of my medication.  I suppose the realization of this experience is really setting in ... cancer SUCKS!  Hopefully, my body will begin to adjust and this irritating rash will subside ... at least a little.  On Thursday, I will see my oncologist for a "side effect check" ... boy, do I have some words for her ...

Until then, I need my prayer warriors on high alert ... please pray that this journey will bring with it the greatest reward ... a long, happy, CANCER-FREE life!

Silence

As I have said so many times over the past few weeks ... I cannot thank each of you enough for the love and support you have given me and my family.  I have received so many amazingly thoughtful cards, emails, and gifts. 

Typically, I return phone calls ... I love to talk ... and I always take the time to write thank you cards.  For some reason, I just haven't ... I find, often times, that silence is just what I need ... and all I can bear.  So, please know that all of the wonderful things you all have said and done have certainly not gone unnoticed.  Actually, they are what keep me going each day.  I am so very blessed to have each of you in my life ...

Thank you, thank you, thank you ... from the bottom of my heart ...

Spots

Well, today has been a little overwhelming.  As my initial phase of treatment, I have been taking Sorafenib orally for almost two weeks.  And, for some reason, I thought I was in the clear as far as significant side effects are concerned ... boy, was I wrong!  Last night, I noticed the beginning of a rash on the tops of my legs ... and this morning ... it is EVERYWHERE!  

I realize that this should bring with it a bit of relief ... I now know that the medication is in my system and is working.  But, I am actually feeling angry ... and frustrated ...

I am 34 years old and should be enjoying the greatest time of my life.  Instead, I am fighting a disease that I didn't ask for ... don't want ... and don't deserve.  Of course, as I expected, there will be good days and bad along the way ... I will not give up, though ... no matter what!  

Here's to embracing my spots ... my numb tongue, tender scalp, sore feet ... and all of the other side effects in the future!

Remembering 9/11

This day, 10 years ago, was like no other ... a day of enormous loss and a day that changed American history forever.  As I look back on that day, I feel such sadness for the victims and their families.  These brave men, women, and children were never given an opportunity to fight ...

Today, more than ever, I realize how very fortunate I am.  Although I have a long road ahead, at least I have the opportunity to fight ... and to survive ...

Here's to the nearly 3,000 people that lost their lives that day ... and to their families and friends.

Honored - Update

Since I received the email from my neighbor, Rob, earlier this week, I have been told that my name has also been added to the tutus of my neighbor, Amy, and her sister. They, too, will be participating in the 3-Day ... walking with the "Tutus for Ta-Tas" team.

So, that weekend in October, my name will be carried many miles in recognition of my fight against breast cancer. I could not be more honored ...

Thank you, ladies, from the bottom of my heart.