As I woke up this morning, I gave great thanks to God for blessing me with such "tiny ta-tas" ...
Throughout my adult life, I have always wished for just a little more on top, but today I couldn't be happier with what God gave me ...
I found this lump and I found it early ... it has not had the opportunity to spread ... and I am so amazingly grateful for that! Triple-negative breast cancer is an aggressive cancer and if I had "big ta-tas" ... things may be very different!
Here's to an A cup ... and a GREAT day ...
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Enormous Relief
Just about an hour ago, I received the results from my PET scan ... and my prayers were answered! Aside from the small tumor in my breast, there is NO CANCER anywhere else in my body ... including my lymph nodes! What an ENORMOUS relief!
My final appointment prior to the start of treatment has been moved to Thursday. I will have my echocardiogram, the last of the preliminary tests, and will be administered my medication. Then, I will be putting on my PRINCESS WARRIOR hat and beginning the fight of my life ... and you better believe, I WILL COME OUT ON TOP!
My final appointment prior to the start of treatment has been moved to Thursday. I will have my echocardiogram, the last of the preliminary tests, and will be administered my medication. Then, I will be putting on my PRINCESS WARRIOR hat and beginning the fight of my life ... and you better believe, I WILL COME OUT ON TOP!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Preliminaries
Today was a very long day ...
First and foremost, I chose the trial ... so with that comes several preliminary tests ...
We headed to Emory this morning for a PET scan, an echocardiogram, and an EKG. We arrived around 10:30 and waited ... and waited ... and waited! Finally, we were able to see Dr. Zelnak, one of the head doctors of the trial ... our doctor is on a well-deserved vacation. Although it was very difficult, the paperwork is signed and I am comfortable with my decision.
Next, it was time for the PET scan ... and we waited ... and waited ... and waited! Once we got the test underway, more than an hour after our appointment time, I was given a nasty drink and an injection of a radioactive isotope. Then, we had to wait ... again ... for over an hour before the scan! Once I was on the table, it only took about 30 minutes and wasn't bad at all ... thank goodness!
Next, I was supposed to have an echocardiogram. Well, it was 4:30 and the test takes about 45 minutes. So, of course, we couldn't have it done ... apparently the clock comes to a screeching halt at 5:00, cancer or not ... very frustrating!
Luckily, there were a few hard workers on site and I was able to have a required EKG and baseline bloodwork done.
Overall, it was a successful day ... now I am praying for GREAT results! Assuming all is well, I will have the echocardiogram done on Wednesday and will be ready to begin my oral medication on Thursday ...
As scared as I am, I'm ready to fight and I know, deep down in my heart, I can do this and I will come out on top ... CANCER-FREE!
First and foremost, I chose the trial ... so with that comes several preliminary tests ...
We headed to Emory this morning for a PET scan, an echocardiogram, and an EKG. We arrived around 10:30 and waited ... and waited ... and waited! Finally, we were able to see Dr. Zelnak, one of the head doctors of the trial ... our doctor is on a well-deserved vacation. Although it was very difficult, the paperwork is signed and I am comfortable with my decision.
Next, it was time for the PET scan ... and we waited ... and waited ... and waited! Once we got the test underway, more than an hour after our appointment time, I was given a nasty drink and an injection of a radioactive isotope. Then, we had to wait ... again ... for over an hour before the scan! Once I was on the table, it only took about 30 minutes and wasn't bad at all ... thank goodness!
Next, I was supposed to have an echocardiogram. Well, it was 4:30 and the test takes about 45 minutes. So, of course, we couldn't have it done ... apparently the clock comes to a screeching halt at 5:00, cancer or not ... very frustrating!
Luckily, there were a few hard workers on site and I was able to have a required EKG and baseline bloodwork done.
Overall, it was a successful day ... now I am praying for GREAT results! Assuming all is well, I will have the echocardiogram done on Wednesday and will be ready to begin my oral medication on Thursday ...
As scared as I am, I'm ready to fight and I know, deep down in my heart, I can do this and I will come out on top ... CANCER-FREE!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Seeking Serenity
At this point, I would give ANYTHING for some serenity ...
Today, this is my prayer ...
Today, this is my prayer ...
God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Forced Smiles
Until now, one of my favorite things to do was laugh ... and laugh hard! I have even been known to hang upside down on my bed and force a laugh or two ... until I am laughing so hard I can barely breathe ...
Now, not only can I not find the strength to laugh, I don't even really want to smile. Each day, I am faced with the normal, day-to-day things ... and I am struggling to find the joy in them. More than anything, I want to WANT to go and do ... and smile ...
Through the forced smiles, time is passing ... and with time will come healing. So, although this phase of the journey is difficult, I know it is not permanent. And, when I add SURVIVOR to my list of life's accomplishments ... you will see the REAL me again and a SMILE larger than life!
Thank you ALL for accepting my forced smiles and doing everything you can to bring a little joy to my days!
Now, not only can I not find the strength to laugh, I don't even really want to smile. Each day, I am faced with the normal, day-to-day things ... and I am struggling to find the joy in them. More than anything, I want to WANT to go and do ... and smile ...
Through the forced smiles, time is passing ... and with time will come healing. So, although this phase of the journey is difficult, I know it is not permanent. And, when I add SURVIVOR to my list of life's accomplishments ... you will see the REAL me again and a SMILE larger than life!
Thank you ALL for accepting my forced smiles and doing everything you can to bring a little joy to my days!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Speechless
It is not often that I find myself speechless, but today is one of those days! There are so many thoughts running through my head and I can't find the words to express them ...
So, I have decided to leave the lyrics to a song that my wonderful brother-in-law has suggested I sing each time I find myself with my "head in the gutter" ...
Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou:"
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh!
Every little thing gonna be all right. Don't worry!"
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing" - I won't worry!
"'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right" - I won't worry!
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, oh no!
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!
So, I have decided to leave the lyrics to a song that my wonderful brother-in-law has suggested I sing each time I find myself with my "head in the gutter" ...
Three Little Birds
Bob Marley
"Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"
Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:")
Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"
Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:")
Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"
Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou:"
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh!
Every little thing gonna be all right. Don't worry!"
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing" - I won't worry!
"'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right" - I won't worry!
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, oh no!
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!
Here's to hoping that everything IS going to be all right ...
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Facing Fear
Fear ... I think that is what has shaped this day ... the fear of the unknown. There is nothing easy about fighting cancer ... emotionally or physically ... and today, I let fear get the best of me.
This is my first, and hopefully last, experience with a life-threatening disease and, to be honest, it is REALLY scary and amazingly overwhelming. Often, my days are filled with terrifying thoughts and unpleasant visions of the future. I honestly make every attempt to clear my mind of the negativity, but it is difficult at times.
I am sure this will not be the last of days like these, but I pray that as I progress through this journey and face my fears, I will continue to gain courage and strength. And soon, these visions WILL become a thing of the past and I will be blessed with a future brighter than anything I could have ever imagined ...
Here's to a better day tomorrow ...
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face ... You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
This is my first, and hopefully last, experience with a life-threatening disease and, to be honest, it is REALLY scary and amazingly overwhelming. Often, my days are filled with terrifying thoughts and unpleasant visions of the future. I honestly make every attempt to clear my mind of the negativity, but it is difficult at times.
I am sure this will not be the last of days like these, but I pray that as I progress through this journey and face my fears, I will continue to gain courage and strength. And soon, these visions WILL become a thing of the past and I will be blessed with a future brighter than anything I could have ever imagined ...
Here's to a better day tomorrow ...
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face ... You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
Strong Enough
Truthfully, I am not sure what changed between yesterday and today. Yesterday, I wrote about acceptance ... wishful thinking, I guess. More than anything, I want to accept the fact that I have cancer. But, today, that feeling of strength and confidence is gone and the tears have returned.
What I know, without a doubt, is that I am not alone in this journey. I am surrounded by family and friends ... and when I feel that I am not strong enough, I find myself looking to God. I realize that there will be good days and bad along the way, but I have never been more secure in my faith ... and I know He will see me through this ...
Thank you, Elizabeth, for sending me this video ... at just the right moment ...
Strong Enough - Matthew West
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Acceptance
Today I am feeling a little strange ... I can't really explain it ... I think I am beginning to accept the turn my life has taken. Cancer changes lives and it has certainly changed mine. At first, I really wasn't sure if I could handle this journey, but am now feeling stronger and more confident than ever ... I know I can do this, as difficult as it may be, and I will come out on top ... a SURVIVOR!
"Man performs and engenders so much more than he can or should have to bear. That's how he finds that he can bear anything."
-William Faulkner
-William Faulkner
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Information Overload
WHAT A DAY! What a GREAT day in so many ways! I am FINALLY on my way to beginning treatment and it feels SO good!
We spent nearly three hours at Emory with Dr. O'Regan, my medical oncologist, and her nurse practitioner, Kate ... two amazing people! Here is what we learned, in a nutshell ...
1. As I expected, Dr. O'Regan recommended that I have neoadjuvant chemotherapy. I will receive 8 rounds of chemotherapy, each about 2 weeks apart. The day after the chemotherapy is administered, I will receive an injection to give my blood count a "boost" and decrease the risk of infection.
2. At the conclusion of chemotherapy, I will have surgery. At this point, I have not decided exactly what type of surgery I will have. Without a doubt, I will have a unilateral mastectomy ... and perhaps a bilateral mastectomy. This decision will come closer to the time of surgery.
3. I am a candidate for a clinical trial offered at Emory. This trial, for women with triple-negative breast cancer, utilizes oral medication prior to and during chemotherapy as well as a variation in the drugs used during the intravenous infusion. There is so much information regarding this option ... I will explain in further detail should we decide to take this route.
Whatever we decide, I will begin treatment next week. There are a couple of preliminary tests that have to be completed to ensure that I am fully prepared physically, but I am more than ready to go emotionally ...
Although we are on information overload, I feel GREAT about what we have learned ... and prepared to make the very best decision regarding my treatment. Thank you all so much for your prayers ... they are working! I am beginning to find at least a little bit of peace and, for the first time since my diagnosis, I have made it through an entire day without tears ... I can't tell you how GREAT that feels!
Now, let's hope that with this relief will come a good night's sleep ... I REALLY need it!
We spent nearly three hours at Emory with Dr. O'Regan, my medical oncologist, and her nurse practitioner, Kate ... two amazing people! Here is what we learned, in a nutshell ...
1. As I expected, Dr. O'Regan recommended that I have neoadjuvant chemotherapy. I will receive 8 rounds of chemotherapy, each about 2 weeks apart. The day after the chemotherapy is administered, I will receive an injection to give my blood count a "boost" and decrease the risk of infection.
2. At the conclusion of chemotherapy, I will have surgery. At this point, I have not decided exactly what type of surgery I will have. Without a doubt, I will have a unilateral mastectomy ... and perhaps a bilateral mastectomy. This decision will come closer to the time of surgery.
3. I am a candidate for a clinical trial offered at Emory. This trial, for women with triple-negative breast cancer, utilizes oral medication prior to and during chemotherapy as well as a variation in the drugs used during the intravenous infusion. There is so much information regarding this option ... I will explain in further detail should we decide to take this route.
Whatever we decide, I will begin treatment next week. There are a couple of preliminary tests that have to be completed to ensure that I am fully prepared physically, but I am more than ready to go emotionally ...
Although we are on information overload, I feel GREAT about what we have learned ... and prepared to make the very best decision regarding my treatment. Thank you all so much for your prayers ... they are working! I am beginning to find at least a little bit of peace and, for the first time since my diagnosis, I have made it through an entire day without tears ... I can't tell you how GREAT that feels!
Now, let's hope that with this relief will come a good night's sleep ... I REALLY need it!
Unsettled Nerves
Today is a big day ... we will finally have the opportunity to meet Dr. O'Regan, a medical oncologist at Emory who specializes in triple-negative breast cancer. While I feel somewhat relieved, I am also really nervous. Making decisions and finalizing a plan is exciting, but it means the beginning of treatment ...
With treatment comes the side effects of chemotherapy and surgery ... all of which are really scary and extremely overwhelming. Hopefully, my body will respond well and I will find relief in this phase of the journey ... I am praying for strength ...
Isaiah 43:2,3 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
With treatment comes the side effects of chemotherapy and surgery ... all of which are really scary and extremely overwhelming. Hopefully, my body will respond well and I will find relief in this phase of the journey ... I am praying for strength ...
Isaiah 43:2,3 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Excellent Negative
Today we received the results from my BRCAAnalysis. This is a genetic test that provides information regarding your risk of hereditary breast and ovarian cancer.
For me, it was negative, which means that my cancer is not genetic and I am at a much lower risk of having hereditary breast or ovarian cancer in the future. If my results had been positive, a definite bilateral mastectomy and perhaps a hysterectomy would have been recommended.
If there is a history of breast or ovarian cancer in your family, please check out the link below. It provides some excellent information ...
http://www.bracnow.com/
Whether or not there is a history of breast cancer in your family, please take a moment and FEEL YOUR BOOBIES ... I am SO glad I did!
For me, it was negative, which means that my cancer is not genetic and I am at a much lower risk of having hereditary breast or ovarian cancer in the future. If my results had been positive, a definite bilateral mastectomy and perhaps a hysterectomy would have been recommended.
If there is a history of breast or ovarian cancer in your family, please check out the link below. It provides some excellent information ...
http://www.bracnow.com/
Whether or not there is a history of breast cancer in your family, please take a moment and FEEL YOUR BOOBIES ... I am SO glad I did!
Second Surgical Opinion
Today, we headed to Emory for a second surgical opinion. Not a whole lot of new information, but this doctor is VERY much an advocate of neoadjuvant chemotherapy. This type of chemotherapy is given BEFORE surgery ... for a number of reasons ...
1. With triple-negative breast cancer I will, without a doubt, require chemotherapy. So, by doing chemotherapy first, it allows the doctors to monitor my tumor's response to treatment and offers an opportunity to make adjustments. If surgery were conducted first, the cancer would have already been removed and it would be difficult to know whether or not the combination of medications were the most suitable for my body and my cancer.
2. Triple-negative breast cancer is typically a more aggressive cancer and can spread quickly. Neoadjuvant chemotherapy allows systemic treatment to begin immediately, as to prevent the disease from spreading while waiting to recover should we opt for surgery first.
3. Neoadjuvant chemotherapy also provides an opportunity to shrink my existing tumor prior to surgery. This will potentially offer the surgeon more options for reconstruction and a better overall aesthetic outcome.
Although I have had the opportunity to meet with some excellent doctors thus far, I felt especially comfortable with this surgeon. As I sat on the table, in Scott's arms, Dr. Carlson came into the room and immediately recognized the impact this has had on my life ... our lives. He was patient, kind, and honest ... all qualities I very much admire, especially in a doctor. And, as tears rolled down my face, he looked at me and said, "You are not going to die from this ... we just have some work to do!"
Thank you, Dr. Carlson ... now, let's get to work!
1. With triple-negative breast cancer I will, without a doubt, require chemotherapy. So, by doing chemotherapy first, it allows the doctors to monitor my tumor's response to treatment and offers an opportunity to make adjustments. If surgery were conducted first, the cancer would have already been removed and it would be difficult to know whether or not the combination of medications were the most suitable for my body and my cancer.
2. Triple-negative breast cancer is typically a more aggressive cancer and can spread quickly. Neoadjuvant chemotherapy allows systemic treatment to begin immediately, as to prevent the disease from spreading while waiting to recover should we opt for surgery first.
3. Neoadjuvant chemotherapy also provides an opportunity to shrink my existing tumor prior to surgery. This will potentially offer the surgeon more options for reconstruction and a better overall aesthetic outcome.
Although I have had the opportunity to meet with some excellent doctors thus far, I felt especially comfortable with this surgeon. As I sat on the table, in Scott's arms, Dr. Carlson came into the room and immediately recognized the impact this has had on my life ... our lives. He was patient, kind, and honest ... all qualities I very much admire, especially in a doctor. And, as tears rolled down my face, he looked at me and said, "You are not going to die from this ... we just have some work to do!"
Thank you, Dr. Carlson ... now, let's get to work!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Attempting Normal
Today, we made a true attempt at doing something "normal" ... we headed to the lake, as we have done so many times this summer. It is one of my very favorite places to be. There is something amazing about the sun, the water, the laughter, and the memories we make each time we back that beautiful boat into the water ...
Although it was a relaxing day, it was so difficult to find the joy I felt just a few weeks ago. And, believe me, it's not just the boat or the lake ... it's everything! I feel like my zest for life is gone ... and it makes me SO mad ...
More than anything, I want "normal" back ...
I do realize, though, that only time will bring that back for me. And, as I have said before, it is my hope and prayer that this journey will allow me to enjoy days like these more than I ever have. And, for those that are with me on this journey, I hope that you will stop and take a moment to realize how special this life is ... and that you will never take for granted the things that bring you joy!
Although it was a relaxing day, it was so difficult to find the joy I felt just a few weeks ago. And, believe me, it's not just the boat or the lake ... it's everything! I feel like my zest for life is gone ... and it makes me SO mad ...
More than anything, I want "normal" back ...
I do realize, though, that only time will bring that back for me. And, as I have said before, it is my hope and prayer that this journey will allow me to enjoy days like these more than I ever have. And, for those that are with me on this journey, I hope that you will stop and take a moment to realize how special this life is ... and that you will never take for granted the things that bring you joy!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Not Just My Journey
This is not just MY journey ... cancer has not just changed MY life. Breast cancer has forever changed the lives of my family and my friends. And, while you all support ME, encourage ME, and pray for ME ... please know that I also realize how difficult this is for each of YOU! So, throughout this journey ... I will do my very best to support YOU, encourage YOU, and pray for YOU!
This song is a dedication to each of you, from me ... through this storm, I will stand by YOU .. and I won't let go ...
Rascal Flatts - I Won't Let Go
The Little Things
This morning, I woke up thinking about all of the amazing little things people have said and done for me over the past two weeks. I cannot begin to tell you how much each of you mean to me and how very much I appreciate everything that you are doing to lift my spirits.
One of the little things that sticks out in my mind was sent to me in an email just yesterday ... by my wonderful mother ...
"It's weird....I choose not to think that you have "cancer". For some reason, that makes me think about people who have it all over them...you know? In their bones or several organs. I choose to think that you have a very small tumor that has cancer in it. And...it's coming out. The rest of it is just to be sure it won't be coming back."
It's funny ... the word "cancer" is terrifying, but each of you have found a special way to make this journey a little less scary ... and for that, I will be forever grateful!
Since you are reading this blog, you are asked to say a prayer for me and my family. Then, put a smile on your face and get on with this beautiful weekend ... and cherish every moment ...
One of the little things that sticks out in my mind was sent to me in an email just yesterday ... by my wonderful mother ...
"It's weird....I choose not to think that you have "cancer". For some reason, that makes me think about people who have it all over them...you know? In their bones or several organs. I choose to think that you have a very small tumor that has cancer in it. And...it's coming out. The rest of it is just to be sure it won't be coming back."
It's funny ... the word "cancer" is terrifying, but each of you have found a special way to make this journey a little less scary ... and for that, I will be forever grateful!
Since you are reading this blog, you are asked to say a prayer for me and my family. Then, put a smile on your face and get on with this beautiful weekend ... and cherish every moment ...
Friday, August 19, 2011
Mustard Seed
Tonight I was given a very special gift ... a symbolic gift of strength. This mustard seed bracelet represents my FAITH in God's LOVE ... with it, I believe in my heart that I can MOVE MOUNTAINS and, as difficult as the journey may be, NOTHING is impossible!
Thank you Jim and Debbie for this beautiful gift and for always believing in me ...
Matthew 17:20 "You don't have enough faith," Jesus told them. "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible."
Finding the Words
So, today I feel like writing, but I have no idea how to put my thoughts into words. I just cannot believe what a drastic turn my life has taken.
I am typically a strong person ... it takes a lot to make me cry. Now, you'd better watch out ... you just never know what you're going to get from me ... a smile or a complete meltdown. It's a little ridiculous and it's getting really old.
In just a few days, though, we will be making our final decision regarding my course of treatment. I am SO looking forward to putting this part of the journey behind me and beginning to focus on the future. Hopefully, once I am on my way to ridding myself of this hideous disease, I can begin to focus on healing ... both physically and emotionally.
I realize, though, that I am a different person now. Cancer has forever changed my life. It is my hope and prayer that I can find good in this journey ... begin to REALLY enjoy each day, cherish the little things, and appreciate the amazing people in my life even more than I already do!
Here's to a good day ...
I choose to FIGHT LIKE HELL!
I am typically a strong person ... it takes a lot to make me cry. Now, you'd better watch out ... you just never know what you're going to get from me ... a smile or a complete meltdown. It's a little ridiculous and it's getting really old.
In just a few days, though, we will be making our final decision regarding my course of treatment. I am SO looking forward to putting this part of the journey behind me and beginning to focus on the future. Hopefully, once I am on my way to ridding myself of this hideous disease, I can begin to focus on healing ... both physically and emotionally.
I realize, though, that I am a different person now. Cancer has forever changed my life. It is my hope and prayer that I can find good in this journey ... begin to REALLY enjoy each day, cherish the little things, and appreciate the amazing people in my life even more than I already do!
Here's to a good day ...
"If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell."
-Lance Armstrong I choose to FIGHT LIKE HELL!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
So Amazingly Lucky
I am so amazing lucky to have found such a wonderful man to share my life with. This song describes our journey and, more importantly, his strength, courage, and love better than I every could!
I thank God everyday for bringing him into my life ... he truly is my everything!
Scott, I love you more than you will ever know!
Martina McBride - I'm Gonna Love You Through It
Completely Overwhelmed
Although I thought this morning would be a simple, somewhat lighthearted appointment, I left with the realization that this is going to be an amazingly LONG process. There are so many steps to my recovery ... I feel completely overwhelmed. Cancer SUCKS!
At this moment, I should be at the beach for our "girl's weekend" that's been planned for over a year. Instead, I am here ... at the very beginning of the fight of my life ... it's just not fair!
Today, this quote sticks out in my mind ...
"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you're right."
-Henry Ford
I know I can ... and I will ... I will fight this and I will SURVIVE. I just have to figure out a way to fight back the tears and find strength ...
As I have said before, thank you all so very much for your love and support. I would not be able to do this without each and every one of you! Please remember to say a prayer for me and for my family every time you read this blog!
Now ... there is a smile in there somewhere ... I am going to go find it ...
At this moment, I should be at the beach for our "girl's weekend" that's been planned for over a year. Instead, I am here ... at the very beginning of the fight of my life ... it's just not fair!
Today, this quote sticks out in my mind ...
"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you're right."
-Henry Ford
I know I can ... and I will ... I will fight this and I will SURVIVE. I just have to figure out a way to fight back the tears and find strength ...
As I have said before, thank you all so very much for your love and support. I would not be able to do this without each and every one of you! Please remember to say a prayer for me and for my family every time you read this blog!
Now ... there is a smile in there somewhere ... I am going to go find it ...
Boobies
Well, I thought we were appointment-free for the rest of this week, but decided to add a little something to the list ... an appointment with a plastic surgeon. Should I opt to have a mastectomy, I can also choose to have reconstructive surgery. So, we are headed out this morning to learn more about options ...
I'm thinking these would suit me just fine ...
Here's to an appointment that might not be all that bad ...
I'm thinking these would suit me just fine ...
Here's to an appointment that might not be all that bad ...
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
News ... Good News
Even if it's small ... I'll take any bit of good news I can get ...
During my visit to the oncologist last week, I had a few viles of blood drawn. She was testing for organ function, vitamin levels, and any indication that the cancer had spread to other parts of my body. All is well ... organ function is great, vitamin levels are good, and there is nothing at all indicating any spread of the disease! Rock on!
So, it appears that I am in great shape for treatment! I am so ready to get things moving and be CANCER-FREE!
During my visit to the oncologist last week, I had a few viles of blood drawn. She was testing for organ function, vitamin levels, and any indication that the cancer had spread to other parts of my body. All is well ... organ function is great, vitamin levels are good, and there is nothing at all indicating any spread of the disease! Rock on!
So, it appears that I am in great shape for treatment! I am so ready to get things moving and be CANCER-FREE!
What Cancer Cannot Do
This was given to me shortly after my diagnosis ...
CANCER IS SO LIMITED ...
It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannot destroy Peace
It cannot kill Friendship
It cannot suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot steal Eternal Life
It cannot conquer the Spirit
And, I will add one more of my own ... IT CANNOT DEFEAT ME!
CANCER IS SO LIMITED ...
It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannot destroy Peace
It cannot kill Friendship
It cannot suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot steal Eternal Life
It cannot conquer the Spirit
And, I will add one more of my own ... IT CANNOT DEFEAT ME!
The Worst Time of Day
I have never been a morning person ... I actually HATE waking up in the morning. Waking up to the realization that I have cancer REALLY sucks ... BIG time! But, while it may take me a few minutes to gather my thoughts, I refuse to let this ruin my days ...
So, no more tears ... I am choosing to believe that God has given me this challenge because I am strong enough to beat it! I WILL beat this and, damn it, mornings will become my FAVORITE time of day!
Here's to another happy day ...
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
So, no more tears ... I am choosing to believe that God has given me this challenge because I am strong enough to beat it! I WILL beat this and, damn it, mornings will become my FAVORITE time of day!
Here's to another happy day ...
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Keeping Busy
Well, today I find myself doing "normal" things. The kids are at school and Scott is at work. This day begins almost a week without appointments ... no doctors, thank goodness! The hard part ... I feel like I should be doing something ... something to rid myself of this cancer. So, I am choosing something CRAZY to do ... laundry! It doesn't measure up to surgery or chemotherapy, but it feels SO good to get through that HUGE pile of clothes ... and feeling good is my number one focus!
Off I go, with old 90210 episodes to keep me company ... bring on the laundry!
Here's to a happy day ...
Off I go, with old 90210 episodes to keep me company ... bring on the laundry!
Here's to a happy day ...
Monday, August 15, 2011
A Heartfelt Thank You
Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for all of your love and support. As you can imagine, this has been a very difficult week. The phone calls, emails, text messages, and cards have meant more to me than you will ever know. I am taking each day as it comes and sincerely appreciate your help in making them a little easier. I know I can beat this ... especially with such amazing people behind me!
Please remember, every time you read this blog ... say a prayer for me and my family! :)
Please remember, every time you read this blog ... say a prayer for me and my family! :)
The Details
It all began on Wednesday, July 13, 2011 ... I noticed a small lump in my left breast. Within the next 2 weeks, I saw my primary care physician, had a mammogram, an ultrasound, an appointment with a breast specialist, and a biopsy. Then ... the diagnosis ... one week after the biopsy.
This past week has been overwhelming. First, trying wrap my head around what is happening to me has been difficult ... to say the least. And, the waiting ... waiting for results to determine what it all means ... I think that has been the most difficult part, thus far. Well, with the help and support of many doctors, family, friends, and friends of friends, we are starting to gather some much needed information. Here is what we know ...
1. I have triple-negative breast cancer. This type of breast cancer will not respond to effective receptor targeted treatments that are often prescribed to women with other types of breast cancer. It does, however, respond well to chemotherapy ... good news ... even if I lose my hair!
2. My tumor is somewhere between 1.1 and 1.8 centimeters ... which means it can be surgically removed via a lumpectomy, if I choose, followed by 6 weeks of radiation. Or, I can opt for a mastectomy and reconstruction, which will eliminate the need for radiation immediately following surgery.
3. My MRI shows no evidence of lymph node involvement ... which is also good news! Hopefully, this means that we are looking at an early stage ... possibly a stage 1 or 2. The actual stage and lymph node status cannot be determined until surgery.
At this point, we are still waiting on additional test results that will help us determine treatment strategies. Of course, as we learn more, I will be posting updates here ... so please stay tuned!
This past week has been overwhelming. First, trying wrap my head around what is happening to me has been difficult ... to say the least. And, the waiting ... waiting for results to determine what it all means ... I think that has been the most difficult part, thus far. Well, with the help and support of many doctors, family, friends, and friends of friends, we are starting to gather some much needed information. Here is what we know ...
1. I have triple-negative breast cancer. This type of breast cancer will not respond to effective receptor targeted treatments that are often prescribed to women with other types of breast cancer. It does, however, respond well to chemotherapy ... good news ... even if I lose my hair!
2. My tumor is somewhere between 1.1 and 1.8 centimeters ... which means it can be surgically removed via a lumpectomy, if I choose, followed by 6 weeks of radiation. Or, I can opt for a mastectomy and reconstruction, which will eliminate the need for radiation immediately following surgery.
3. My MRI shows no evidence of lymph node involvement ... which is also good news! Hopefully, this means that we are looking at an early stage ... possibly a stage 1 or 2. The actual stage and lymph node status cannot be determined until surgery.
At this point, we are still waiting on additional test results that will help us determine treatment strategies. Of course, as we learn more, I will be posting updates here ... so please stay tuned!
August 8, 2011 - Diagnosis Day
It has been a week ... a week like nothing I have ever experienced. On August 8, 2011, I was diagnosed with breast cancer ... at 34 years old. I still cannot believe it ... breast cancer. Although I wish this weren't happening, I have come to realize that it IS real ... it IS happening ... and I have to find the strength to fight it!
It is my hope that this blog will allow me to share my experience with you ... to keep you informed and provide you the strength you need to support me and my family in this journey. My only request ... every time you read this blog, please stop and say a prayer for me ... for my family. This is not going to be easy, but I am going to fight like hell ... and I will SURVIVE!
It is my hope that this blog will allow me to share my experience with you ... to keep you informed and provide you the strength you need to support me and my family in this journey. My only request ... every time you read this blog, please stop and say a prayer for me ... for my family. This is not going to be easy, but I am going to fight like hell ... and I will SURVIVE!
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