WHY?

A cancer diagnosis always leaves the diagnosed asking why … family asking why … friends asking why.

Moments after my diagnosis, through the uncontrollable tears, I just wanted to know why … why ME?

Now, almost 13 years later and after the loss of a dear friend, my question has shifted.  Why NOT me???

This morning, we all lost an incredible human.  One of the BEST!!!  Sloane was diagnosed with TNBC in April of 2020 … the same disease I fought just a few years ago.  She looked to me for advice and comfort.  I shared all I knew to share … and if I could have led her to a cure, I absolutely would have!!!  I didn’t, I couldn’t, and now she’s gone ... it's just heartbreaking!!!

So, I’m struggling now as much as I did then with WHY???  Now, though, it’s not why me … it’s why NOT me???  

The reality is … it could have been me.  It could be any of us.  Tomorrow is not promised, so hug your loved ones, say what you’re feeling, and live life to the fullest!

Sloane, you were an amazing wife and mother, a devoted friend, and a force to be reckoning with!!!  I will never understand why NOT me, but I will trust in the Lord’s plan and carry you with me always!!!

I love you, sweet friend! 💕 #warriorsloane

Recall

It's been over a decade since my reconstructive surgery ... so it was time to check in with Dr. Woods, my plastic surgeon.  Just as he did all those years ago ... he answered every single question I had and put my mind at ease! 

With any plastic surgery, there can be complications.  Fortunately, I have had none!  However, after hearing about a "recall" of my implants, I needed to better understand my risk.  Thankfully, my implants are still GREAT!!!  

So ... what's the recall all about?  Well, some Allergan implants have been causing new cancers in women.  The reason is unknown and the risk is extremely low, but ... I would like to NEVER hear the word CANCER again ... EVER!!!  Thankfully, only the textured implants are of concern!!!

LIST OF RECALLED IMPLANTS

Dr. Woods then explained that implants do wear out, typically lasting about 15-20 years.  If, for any reason, they should break, they don't pose an immediate health risk.  However, he does recommend that a damaged or worn out implant be replaced.  The only real way to know is to monitor them via ultrasound or MRI.  So, he suggested that I reach out to my breast surgeon, Dr. Barber, and begin checking in every few years.  Appointment made!

When the time does come, there is no one I would rather have as my surgeon!!!  Dr. Woods is THE best ... knowledgeable, patient, and kind!   I am still overwhelmed by the amazing doctors who carried me through my breast cancer journey ... and continue to impact my life, even today!  I will be forever grateful for each and every one!!!

TEN YEARS ... A DECADE

It's been TEN YEARS ... a whole DECADE!!!

On August 8, 2011, I heard the words no one ever wants to hear ... "It's cancer."  I was scared.  Terrified.  All I wanted was time.  And, I don't know why, but God gave me more than I deserve.

My babies have grown into incredible people ... and I've been there for it all!!!  I am truly blessed beyond measure!

Here's to a DECADE cancer-free and living life to the fullest!!!

Scars

On this day FIVE years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I was 34.  It was the most devastating day of my life ... full of sadness and fear.  The events of that day are still vividly clear in my mind ... moment by moment ... I remember it like it was yesterday ...

After treatment and surgery, I was left with scars ... physical and emotional scars that I did not choose.  Scars that I will carry with me forever. 

This journey has been amazingly difficult at times, but through it all ... I have found infinite faith in Christ.  He has walked with me each and every moment.  He has shown my family and me such grace.  Without faith in Him ... I would never have made it through. 

So, on THIS day, August 8, 2016 ... I want to change the way I remember the anniversary of my diagnosis.   I want to remember the strength God gave me to fight.  I want to remember how He changed my faith in Him.  And, above all, I want the chance to choose my scars ... and so I did ...

INK & DAGGER

Roswell, Georgia 

Little D & Me

Just a few of my amazing supporters ... including Little D ... awesome photo bomb!



What an fantastic day it was!  One that I will remember with joy and happiness forever!  THIS is how I prayed my journey with cancer would end.  THIS is how I will remember August 8th ...

Thanks be to our amazing God!



Time

Time is such a blessing ...

Just three short years ago, I received devastating news ... I had cancer at the age of only 34.  Immediately, I was fearful that my time was limited.  Would I see my children grow up?  Get married?  Would I leave my husband to raise them on his own?  

Then, after weeks of appointments, my treatment plan was set ... five months of chemotherapy, surgery, and reconstruction.  I quickly realized that it would take time to beat cancer ... and I began to realize that time is such a blessing.  As I wrote about in this blog, I am convinced that I was led through my treatment by God.  He put me in the right places at the perfect times.

Now, three years later, I cherish the time I am given.  I celebrate each day.  I find the good in everything.  And, most importantly, I give thanks for the blessing of life.

As I look back on August 8, 2011, I think of what a crazy day it was ... but I am thankful for it.  That day changed me.  The days, weeks, months, and years following have been the very best time of my life ...

Here's to the gift of time ...

Bliss

Today marks two years ... two years since my life was forever changed!  On the morning of August 8, 2011, I was diagnosed with cancer ...

Since that time, my life has completely changed ... most of which is documented on this blog.  Now, I LOVE LIFE more than ever before!  I feel MORE BLESSED than ever before!  And, I am finally at the place in my life that I have always dreamed of ...

Since I was little, I have always wanted to teach.  Of course, as a little girl, I dreamt of my wedding day, my prince charming, and my life as a "grown-up" ... more than anything, though, I wanted the opportunity to teach at the school my children attend ...

THAT DREAM HAS FINALLY COME TRUE ... I am teaching second grade at Indian Knoll Elementary School ... just down the hall from my precious little ones!

With each passing day, I am more and more amazed by the work God is doing in my life. Since my diagnosis, I have completely turned it over to Him ... and he has blessed me in more ways than I can count!

So, needless to say, on THIS anniversary, I am not saddened by what has happened, but thankful for how the experience has forever changed my life ...

August 8, 2013 ... a day of BLISS ...

Thanks be to our AMAZING God ...

On This Side of Cancer

Tonight, on the eve of my 36th birthday, I cannot help but reflect on my many years of good times and great memories.  I have lived a blessed life ... an amazingly blessed life ...

Of course, I could write for days about my childhood, my teenage years, or my early adult life ... so many wonderful stories ... so much laughter ... so much joy.  Instead, I prefer to focus on the past two years ... the BEST two years of my life ...

Now that I am on this side of cancer, I take absolutely nothing for granted.  I realize, more than ever, that there are no guarantees and that the gift of life should be cherished ... each and every moment ...

On This Side of Cancer

Though my cancer diagnosis was devastating ... it has changed me for the better!  It's made me who I am today ... the person that God wants for me to be ...

So, on this birthday, I don't dread another candle being added to my cake ... instead, I CELEBRATE another year of life.  And, as I make my annual wish, I pray that my journey continues to help each of you see the gift that each day brings ... 

Here's to 36 ...

Thanks be to God ... 

Living Again

First of all, I am feeling proud to have been able to move on with life and focus a little less on my cancer journey.  Of course, it still crosses my mind each day, but no longer consumes my every thought ...

The past few months have been VERY exciting.  I was blessed to have had the opportunity to take a long-term substitute teaching position at my kids' school, Indian Knoll Elementary. For ten weeks, I took the place of a wonderful fourth grade teacher who was enjoying her maternity leave.  It was such an amazing experience ... I cannot wait to get back into the classroom full time.

In March, I was able to join about 20 other ladies at the Pink concert at Philips Arena in Atlanta.  I have been waiting FOREVER to see her ... and she didn't disappoint ... it was the BEST show I've seen!  We made the most of the night by riding in a limo to the concert and staying downtown afterward.

Tiffanie, Debbie, and Me

My family and I took a quick trip to the beach over Spring Break to enjoy a little time away.  We stayed in an adorable home in a quaint little neighborhood between Panama City Beach and Destin.  The weather was beautiful!  We had a wonderful time ...

 Hunting for sea shells and hermit crabs ...

Shortly after our vacation, my neighbors and I ran The Dirty Girl Mud Run in Atlanta.  It was a BLAST ... 

The 5K took place at Lake Lanier and was full of muddy obstacles.  The best part ... all proceeds support breast cancer organizations in our area.  Check it out at www.godirtygirl.com.

Last week, I had an exciting "mommy moment" when I had the opportunity to cheer on my little man in the World Series.  It was one of the most nail-biting games EVER, but the Dodgers came out on top, winning in extra innings.  Words cannot express how blessed I feel to have been able to share this with my buddy ...

Andrew

#40

Finally, just yesterday I returned home from our annual girls' trip.  Six of my neighbors and I went to Panama City Beach for a long weekend.  The weather wasn't great, but we had an amazing time.  It's been two years since I've been able to join them, but this time there was no cancer to stand in my way!  I am SO very thankful ... and blessed beyond measure!

The BEST neighbors a girl could ask for ...

At this point, I don't think about writing as much as I used to ... I'm just too busy LIVING! Perhaps I will sign off soon, but until then ... stay tuned for more uplifting posts and updates on my life after cancer ...

Here's to LIVING again ... 

Calm

At this point, I have been medicated for more than a month ... almost six weeks, to be exact.  What an amazing difference ...

I feel calm.  I feel happy.  I feel like I can move on with my amazingly blessed life ...

The real question ... why didn't I do this months ago?  Well, at that time, I felt like I was in control.  I never really questioned my ability to cope with my diagnosis.  I was doing a pretty good job and I was confident and secure in my prognosis ... as much as anyone can be.  It wasn't until I completed treatment that I felt powerless ...

Now, I feel better than I ever have ...

I LOVE my husband.  I LOVE my children.  I LOVE my job.  I LOVE my life.

Here's to FINALLY feeling calm ...

Anniversary

Today marks the one year anniversary of my final round of chemotherapy.  On this day last year, I was at Winship Cancer Center ending six long months of treatment ...

Now, I have the special privilege of teaching fourth grade at Indian Knoll Elementary where my kids go to school ... and I absolutely LOVE it!  I am enjoying my husband, my children, my family, and my friends more than every before!  And, most importantly, I am living a cancer-free life ...

Tonight, I will be lifting a Corona, just as I did one year ago, in honor of my journey ...

Thanks be to God ...

Cheers ...

Reassurance

This morning, in the pouring rain, Scott and I headed to Emory for my routine check-up. Although traffic was crazy, we made it on time and were in and out.  As usual, Dr. O'Regan was GREAT ... providing the reassurance I needed ... especially lately ...

For the past few months, I have been experiencing some mild pain in the center of my chest and, at times, down my left arm.  It comes and goes and, for the most part, is just a nuisance.  Of course, it has definitely been a contributing factor to my anxiety.  Today, Dr. O'Regan did a physical exam and has concluded that she is almost certain it is simply surgical pain ... nothing to be concerned about.

As you can imagine, ANY pain I experience becomes a REALLY big deal ... it consumes my thoughts and becomes my focus.  Hence, medication.  Hopefully, the Effexor my psychiatrist prescribed will help alleviate the fear and anxiety.  And, I must admit, Dr. O'Regan's confidence in my "excellent prognosis" is VERY comforting.

Here's to having another appointment behind me ... and continuing to look ahead to a bright future ...

After Party

What a GREAT weekend!  I am feeling some relief from the overwhelming anxiety and was able to enjoy a wonderful "After Party" with my Princess Warrior team.  We gathered to celebrate our accomplishments and reflect on the amazing experience ...

This beautiful video documents our three days of FUN perfectly ...

2012 Princess Warrior 3-Day Experience

Chelsea, our commercial star, created this video and it could not be any better!  As I have said so many times before, The 3-Day is like nothing I have every experienced ... I will cherish the memories FOREVER!

And, although I could never thank my team enough for their love and support, I did create a little something for everyone ...

Hopefully, this "3" will be a reminder of our AMAZING weekend together and, more importantly, my appreciation for each of these very special people in my life!

Now, let's start looking ahead to this year's 3-Day ...

Here's to October 2013 ...

Shrink

It has been nearly a year since my last infusion and mastectomy.  Since that time, I have been focused on recovering physically from chemotherapy and surgery.  Over the past few months, though, the emotional healing has really begun ... and it has be THE most difficult part of the journey.

Although I have been given an excellent prognosis, the fear of recurrence lingers.  At times, it is completely overwhelming.  I have been trying to cope ... refusing therapy ... refusing medication ... with little success.  So, I finally scheduled an appointment with a "shrink"...

Dr. O'Regan, my oncologist, recommended that I meet with an excellent psychiatrist at Winship.  Earlier this week, I finally sat down with Dr. Wendy Baer.  I was dreading it, but she was thoughtful, patient, and understanding.  She validated everything I am feeling and made many recommendations ... two of which, in her opinion, are most appropriate for me ...

1.  Keep writing.

2.  Medicate.

For me, writing is very therapeutic.  After my diagnosis and during treatment, I wrote nearly every day. Lately, I haven't been writing and my fear and anxiety have been building.  So, although I originally planned to finish writing by the end of 2012, I have decided to continue.  As much as I wish I could simply put this experience behind me ... it's just not that easy.  Someday, I hope to find peace ... until then, I will write ...

As for medication ... I have been prescribed Effexor.  This was something I was really hoping to avoid, but if there is one thing I have learned through this experience ... I am NOT Superwoman.  I'm human ... and battling cancer is not easy for anyone, not physically and especially not emotionally.  Hopefully, I will soon feel some relief, the anxiety will subside, and I can enjoy this beautiful life again!

Here's to writing ... and a little pink pill ...

Five Seconds of Fame

Although I was hopeful that I would someday receive my "15 minutes of fame" ... I suppose five seconds will do ...

This week, the 2013 Susan G. Komen 3-Day commercial began airing on all of the major networks.  There are at least two versions, a shorter one and a longer one.  In both, Chelsea, one of our Princess Warriors, opens the commercial.  And, Sarah and I are shown together, sporting our team shirts with "SURVIVOR" on the back.  In the longer version, the ENTIRE team is also featured walking together!

http://www.the3day.org/site/PageServer?pagename=learn_prepa_video_14

Click on the link above to view the full length commercial!

Each time I see it, I am reminded of what an AMAZING experience that weekend was ... filled with laughter, tears, and memories to last a lifetime!  I am so thankful to each and every one of my teammates for sharing it with me ...

Here's to fame ... even if it's short-lived ...

Life Goes On

Obviously, I haven't written in a long while.  As most of you know, November and December are two of the busiest months of the year for our family.  My mom's birthday begins the madness, followed by Andrew's birthday in November.  In December, my dad's birthday, Christmas, my mother-in-law's birthday, and Maddie's birthday ... among the many holiday parties and gatherings.  Needless to say, I have been living life ... enjoying my amazing family and friends!

Of course, with each and every passing day, cancer isn't far from my thoughts.  As I reflect on 2012, I am overwhelmed.  Honestly, I still cannot believe that this is MY life ... this is MY story.  At the beginning of this year, I was nearing the end of eight long rounds of chemotherapy.  Then came my bilateral mastectomy, the long process of expansion, and my final reconstructive surgery.  And, through it all, I did my very best to continue living my amazingly blessed life ...

Although 2012 was a difficult year, it was also filled with many answered prayers and wonderful memories.  As I look ahead, I pray for continued healing.  I pray for a year of health and happiness.  I pray for LOTS of love and laughter.

So, although cancer IS my story ... LIFE GOES ON ... and I am going to do my best to live it the fullest!

Here's to 2013 ...

60 Mile Virgin

As a 3-Day first-timer, I didn't really know what to expect of my 60 mile journey ... but, it was AWESOME ... and I think pictures are the very best way to tell the story ...

It all began on Thursday, October 18, 2012.  After attending rehearsal for Opening Ceremonies, I met my teammates at the Crowne Plaza at Perimeter to prepare for the days ahead.  We ate dinner and enjoyed some team spirit before turning in for a good night's sleep ...

Off to The Cheesecake Factory for some carb-loading ...

 Gooooooooooooo Princess Warriors!

The next morning started early ... we were headed to Opening Ceremonies at exactly 6:15 AM ...

We've got Starbucks ... 

Liz, Carrie, Julie, and Emily

Mary & Sarah

Once we arrived at Stone Mountain, we were greeted by the wonderful children of the Youth Corps ...

The Youth Corps, my bags, and me ...

Then, we unloaded our bags and were immediately interviewed by Karyn Greer of 11Alive News ...

Karyn, Me, and Sarah

After we made our television appearance, it was time for Opening Ceremonies to begin. For me, these ceremonies were one of the highlights of my weekend!  Not only did I have the special privilege of carrying the Commitment flag, but I was able to stand among 8 breast cancer survivors and lead 1,600 walkers to the beginning of an amazing 60 miles ...

Survivor Circle

My beautiful family at Opening Ceremonies

Us

Now let's have some fun ...

Catherine, Julie, Carrie, Liz, and Emily

And we're off ...

Over the next several hours, we covered the first 21+ miles and had LOTS of fun ...

The crossing guards were AMAZINGLY fun!

Sarah & Me

SURVIVORS

At the conclusion of Day 1, we arrived at the Georgia World Congress Center ...

Princess Warriors

After arriving at camp, we were able to set up our tents and unpack.  Of course, we had to get those adorable pink tents looking good ... 

Tent Decorating Contest WINNERS

After settling in, we headed to dinner and Friday night's Camp Show where I had the opportunity to share my story.  It was such a GREAT experience and, although I was a bit apprehensive, I am so thankful I did it!

Finally, after a LONG day, lights were out at 9:15 ...

At exactly 5:30 on Saturday morning, the simulated sunrise began ... and there was no turning back ... we were all up before 6:00 AM ...

 Ready for the second 20 MILES ... at least most of us ...

After spending quite some time with the medical staff on Friday evening, Alisha learned that she had been walking on a broken foot ALL day!  So, refusing to quit, we decided that she would ride the remaining 40 miles ... 

Chelsea & Alisha

DONE!

A mile or two later ... up hill and down ... over broken sidewalks and through the dirt ... Chelsea was DONE!  So, our first Warrior was calling for the Sweep Van ... and off to meet us at each of the Pit Stops!

Otherwise, the second day was FULL of walking ... and LOTS of fun ...

Shake it, shake it, shake it ...

The blisters and sore muscles have officially set in ... right, Emily?

And the sight seeing wasn't too shabby either!

Among a sea of pink, we finally arrived "home" around 5:30 in the evening ...

We all relaxed for a little while and cleaned up for the evening's festivities ... a roller coaster ride of emotions.  At Saturday night's Camp Show, we were introduced to an amazing man that is walking ALL 14 3-Day events across the nation this year.  He lost his wife to breast cancer several years ago.  Then, the adorable kids of the Youth Corps shared their personal connections to the cause ... each of them had either lost a family member to the disease or were celebrating a survivor in their life.  Their stories were enough to bring a grown man to tears ... and all 15 Princess Warriors.  Then, as only Komen can do it ... we were moved from tears to laughter and excitement when the dance party began ...

 Now, dip baby dip ... and slide ...

At the end of Day 2, we were all a little more tired than the evening before ... and less disappointed with the 9:15 bedtime ...

The final day began at promptly 5:30 AM ... again!  We spent the first couple of hours packing and breaking down our adorable pink tents ... all to be ready to hit the streets by 7:45 ...

Ready for the LAST 20 ...

For me, Sunday's walking went by rather quickly!  We had SO MUCH support from everyone ... even random strangers came out to cheer us on ... it was humbling, for sure! And, we met a HUGE pink flamingo ... which was so exciting for those of us that participated in our "Flocking Fundraiser"...

 Meet the Flockers!

Emily, Catherine, Me, Julie, Carrie, and Liz

ALMOST to the finish ... and looking SO good ...

After 60 miles of walking, we were all ready to see our families ... and celebrate our AMAZING accomplishment ...

 Let's CELEBRATE!

 WE DID IT!

And THIS is why I walk!

Each of these feet walked 60 MILES ... each of these feet raised more than $2,300 ... and each of these feet brought us one step closer to a cure for breast cancer ...

What an INCREDIBLE weekend ... and what an AMAZING group of women ...

Princess Warriors

The Closing Ceremonies brought this PERFECT weekend to an emotional end.  As a survivor and flag bearer, I had the unique opportunity to stand in the center of the thousands of men and women ... and witness one of the most moving tributes ...

Catherine & Tiffanie

The one-shoe salute signifies the end of the 2012 Atlanta 3-Day and is done in honor of those whose lives have been forever changed by breast cancer ... the 2.5 million survivors living in the United States.  And, finally, the flag was raised ... showing that, until we find a cure, WE WILL NEVER GIVE UP ... and we will continue to walk ...

God has given me a second chance at life ... and I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to share this very special part of it with my Princess Warriors ...

Kelly Carlin

My Friend & Blog Cheerleader

Mary Collis

My Cousin

Jenny Cudabac

My Cousin

Catherine Grabowski

My Friend & Neighbor

Emily Iwane

My Friend & Neighbor

Sarah Jabbour

My Friend & Fellow Survivor

Alisha McArthur

My Best Friend

Carrie McClure

My Friend & Neighbor

Debbie McNeal

My Mother-in-Law

Tiffanie McNeal

My Sister-in-Law

Julie Michaud

My Friend & Neighbor

Liz Policky

My Friend & Neighbor

Emily Sims

My New Friend

Chelsea Smith

My Friend

Now, this 60-Mile Virgin has experience ... and I MUST do it again!  So, I have already registered our team for 2013 3-Day in Atlanta ... 

Let the fundraising begin ...

Pride

For the first time since my diagnosis, I felt such pride wearing the word SURVIVOR on my back ... on my cheek ... and around my neck ...

Ready for the final 20 miles ... full of excitement!

 It's all about collecting bling!

It is difficult to explain this past weekend.  It is nearly impossible to put it into words.  It was one of the most AMAZING experiences of my life.

First and foremost, I MUST thank my incredible Princess Warrior team as well as my wonderful family and friends.  I am so blessed to have each of you in my life and am so thankful to have had the opportunity to share my 3-Day experience with you all!

Secondly, I would like to thank God for such a beautiful weekend!  Not only was the weather absolutely perfect, but the people were inspiring and uplifting ... obviously a gift ... and one not soon forgotten!

Finally, I would like to thank Susan G. Komen for the Cure for their continued commitment to finding a cure for breast cancer.  And, for providing a weekend that allowed me to sport my SURVIVOR status with PRIDE ...