Confession

The moment I have been dreading for many, many weeks is finally behind me ... I have officially confessed to the kids and they now know about my diagnosis.  To be honest, I feel so much better knowing that there are no more secrets in our house ... and we are ready to fight this as a team!

The conversation was interesting and here is how the story goes ...

Scott and I arrived home from my appointment and, of course, Maddie was especially curious about where we had been.  I took the opportunity to tell her ... and Andrew.  The four of us sat down together and I explained it, in these words ....

"As you know, I had an appointment with the doctor today.  They have found a small lump inside my body that shouldn't be there ... it's called breast cancer.  In order to get it out, I will have to take some medicine that might make me feel badly or make me tired.  There might be times when I won't be able to help with your homework or cook dinner.  And, at some point, my hair will probably fall out."

At this point, Andrew had already lost interest and was driving his firetruck around while it made loud siren-like noises.  Maddie, on the other hand, broke into tears and said ... "That's going to be so embarrassing!"  My thoughts ... ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!  But the tears continued and I realized it was a genuine concern ... she is only seven years old and is fearful of what her friends will think of her if I'm bald.  In her words ... "Only boys can be bald!"

So, while I was thrilled that she wasn't completely freaked out about the actual diagnosis, I was really caught off-guard.  As she continued to cry, I picked her up and tried to help her understand that it is only for a little while ... then my hair will grow back, I will feel better, and the lump will be all gone!  For the moment, my words were not of much help.  We finally sent her up to take a shower and calm herself down... and she did just that!

Afterwards, Scott spent some time talking with her.  He explained that this is not something Mommy is choosing to do ... and, of course, I would never want to embarrass her.  At that point, Maddie asked a great question ... what will happen if Mommy doesn't take the medicine?  Scott explained that I will get very sick ... and that is why it is so important to follow the doctor's orders.  She agreed ... with a smile. 

A few minutes later, while Maddie was brushing her teeth, I shared a story about another "mommy" that was bald and how she had her son write the grocery list on her hairless head ... and read it at the store!  She laughed .... and then she dropped a BOMB ... "Mommy, you have to write I 'heart' JB (I love Justin Bieber) on your head and walk around with it" ... and she laughed loudly!  I agreed ... and so we have a deal! 

Overall, I think it went quite well.  I can imagine that this kind of information is difficult for a seven-year-old to understand and I am proud of her for doing the best she could with it ...

Many years from now, I hope that my children will understand that they are THE reason I am fighting this fight ... they mean more to me than anything in the world and I want them to be proud of the way I handle this amazingly difficult time in my life.  Maybe, my strength will serve as an example ... that alone would make it all worth it in the end!